The Real Jerry Dugan

Going through letters to and from Iraq

2012-01-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

This was something I had found in Baghdad (April/May 2003) that I sent to Liv while I was there. I had a military intelligence linguist who traveled with us to translate for me. These were Psy Ops fliers that were dropped all over the country to discourage the Iraqis from fighting against us. For the most part, it seemed to work, and many Iraqis I came across on checkpoints would show me this slip of paper like it was some sort of hall pass to let them through the checkpoint without getting harassed or killed.

Front reads, "Saddam loses the support of his military forces." Two copies, one with translation written on it and one in its original form.

Back, one copy with translation, one copy as the original.

Looking for Another Good Year in 2012

2012-01-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

2011 was a good year for my family and I. We found ourselves pulling out of financial ruin with a new job as a Community Educator with the Women's Shelter of South Texas. It was the first full year since 2006 that we were current on our mortgage payment every month. Liv has had a relieved look on her face. We were able to actually put into practice the principles we learned from Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University because we had consistent money coming in every month.

Some of the things I would like to see happen in 2012 includes the following:

Adequate life and health insurance for my family's needs. We still have to get that into play now that we are caught up on all our bills. I've gambled long enough.
Continue building up our emergency fund and begin putting money away for a new roof and new siding for our home.
Finish the remodels on our two bathrooms.
Complete writing of my first book. When going through many of my notes and goals from past years, I found that there has been a book idea on my heart and mind for at least three years now. It's time to make it happen.
I ignored my 1-year goals for the past year, so I'll reset the timeline on that goal as well.

May your year in 2012 be one filled with accomplishment of the next steps you need to take in order to make your dreams come true.

Retired linebacker’s wife dies one month after their wedding - Shutdown Corner - NFL Blog - Yahoo! Sports

2011-12-31T10:52:00.001-08:00

Jerry Dugan (jerry_s_dugan@yahoo.com) has sent you a news article
------------------------------------------------------------
Personal message:

'Til death do us part. I commend this man for staying by his wife's side, loving her, and cherishing her.

Retired linebacker’s wife dies one month after their wedding - Shutdown Corner - NFL Blog - Yahoo! Sports
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Retired-linebacker-8217-s-wife-dies-one-month-a?urn=nfl-wp14892

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Yahoo! Sports - http://sports.yahoo.com/

The Dugan Spot: The whole point of Christmas

2011-12-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

I am really proud of Emma for writing her second blog post ever. This is posted on our family blog, and I was blown away by her perception of Christmas. I think I can learn a lot from her as I am shaking all my presents under the tree.

The Dugan Spot: The whole point of Christmas: (written by EMMA PAIGE DUGAN) Everybody loves Santa Claus, right!???? Well I do. What would kids do if Santa didn't come? It's okay, bec...

Lessons Learned from the Founder of Chick-fil-A

2011-12-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading the book It's Better to Build Boys then Mend Men by S. Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A. In this book, Cathy shares his experiences as a parent, grandparent, foster parent, mentor, and friend where he has helped shape the lives of young boys into men who were solid in character and contributed back to society. He also shares tragic stories of those boys who did not receive the love and attention they needed from their fathers and were doomed to repeat a cycle of needless pain and troubled living.

Our children need parents who set a consistent, positive model of behavior to follow. We often choose to be a friend more than a trusted adult to our children. I catch myself doing that from time to time. It is also important to have a consistent set of expectations as well. What we consistently or do is what we think, believe, do, and eventually become.

Children do not see the truth in the words we say but the actions we make. I can talk about the importance of loyalty and trust, but I need to show it in how I treat other people. The moment I have an affair, for example, everything I have ever said about loyalty and trust is replaced by a new truth, "daddy is a liar and I can be one, too."

It is vital for my children that I set the most consistent, positive example that I can. I won't do this perfectly, and will continue fail from time to time. However, I hope that with a positive and consistent model of behavior and expectations my children will grow up equipped with strong character to get them through what life has in store for them.

"I thought God gave me your grandmother to love me, but over the years God has shown me He gave her to me to learn to love even if she ceased loving me." -S. Truett Cathy

Oh, They Found Me! Accoutability is a Good Thing.

2011-12-19T16:04:00.000-08:00

I received an e-mail from YouVersion today holding me accountable to a One-Year Bible reading plan I signed up for.

"When life gets busy, sometimes it’s hard to keep up with everything. But when we make time for God’s Word, it has a way of putting all of that activity into perspective. It looks like you’re a bit behind on your The One Year ® Bible plan, so we thought we’d share a few of our favorite tips for getting back on track:"

While I should feel very ashamed for not keeping up with my Bible and the one-year plan I committed to (over a year ago), I am excited to receive this kind of accountability and encouragement from YouVersion. I guess I need to do my part and continue with my commitment to read through the entire Bible rather than repeat the same pattern of starting and stopping. I've done that every year for the past five or six years...okay, seven. I don't have much excuse, because I have the YouVersion Bible app on my Blackberry and I always have my Blackberry on me.

Insanity is repeating the same process over and over again, but expecting different results every time. Accountability can help me break my own cycles of insanity.

Christmas Pancake Morning

2011-12-17T09:49:00.000-08:00

Ever since I made my first Mickey Mouse pancakes a couple of years ago, Emma has challenged me to make pancake shapes about every Saturday morning.

Her requests have become more and more challenging, and I have had to look at websites like Jim's Pancakes for inspiration. She has asked for snakes, her initials, complete words, even a Superman emblem for Jacob, and this morning she asked for a Santa hat and Christmas tree. I added sugar sprinkle ornaments on the Christmas tree just to show off.

I love having moments like these with my family. I know I will definitely remember and cherish these moments, and will make Emma pancake shapes for as long as I am able to. What special things do you do for your children to build loving memories with them?

Coaching My Kids to Write Through Blogging

2011-12-11T19:07:00.001-08:00

Emma asked if she could make a blog post this evening when she saw me working on my new template/layout for this blog.

We have a family blog that rarely gets posted on, so I thought this would be a great opportunity to post something recent on it.

I later realized that this is also a great opportunity to encourage my children to write and express themselves through blogging on our family blog. We are able to update family and friends on what we are up to, our children improve on their typing and writing skills, and they become familiar with internet publishing. How cool is that?

I do recommend some of the following tips when asking your kids to post/blog:

If it goes on the World Wide Web, it somewhat means the World Will Watch.
It's important not to get too personal, or give out sensitive information such as travel dates, addresses, and phone numbers.
Make this a team effort. Blog WITH your children rather than use this as another "babysitting" tool.
These moments provide teaching moments with your children as well.
It is important to let them write in their own voice. This first post from Emma took some patience. She doesn't type yet, and she attempts to use words she can't spell. Rather than getting focused on correcting grammar, and how I would say things, I let her say what she had to say in her own voice. We later corrected some spelling and a few minor grammar spots as we read through the post. Most of the corrections were things that she picked up on. The point is to make this a fun thing.

Have a White Elephant Christmas

2011-12-08T12:22:00.000-08:00


"Uncle Palpatine". We got this guy in a 2009 White Elephant and haven't been able to get rid of him since. he keeps coming back to us!

We had a White Elephant Gift Exchange where I work today, but I was told it would be a serious exchange (and a very competitive one where people were trying to be the most sought after gift...for under $10, and to have a strategy to get the best gift in the end).

The only White Elephant gift exchanges I know are filled with the goofy stuff no one would want, so I was torn on what to do. After some conspiring with Olivia, we decided on a nice picture frame with a Dugan White Elephant twist.

We included my picture from 10th Grade where I was one of the last kids in school still sporting a mullet in 1992. The picture was autographed.

It was so much fun to see the levels of revelation in the faces of my co-workers as they shifted from that's-an-odd-picture-to-give to Hey-that-looks-like-Jerry and finally Oh-No-he-autographed-it!

It's easy to take ourselves too seriously these days, but there are ways to be goofy and not get yourself fired from your job in the process. It just so happens that I took a picture of myself in 10th Grade with a mullet that I was able to use 19 years later. Liv and I are already thinking about what to do for next year's White Elephant.

Alternate autograph phrases included:

Now, your wall is complete.
I make this frame look goooood!
Best wishes, The Mullet.
The Mullet, 1989-1992. R.I.P.
To Wong Fu, thanks fo...oh, wrong frame.

In the end, we kept it simple.

Not Courageous But Real Steel

2011-10-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

Jacob asked me to take him to see the movie "Real Steel" this weekend. He was so excited, so despite the fact that I really wanted to take him to see "Courageous" I made a plan to see "Real Steel" instead. I was thoroughly surprised by the movie and by the reminders it served for me in regards to my relationship with my son.

It made me appreciate the unique relationship that a father has with a son.

A son desires to look up to his father, to be proud of him, and to one day be just like him. I couldn't help but look at Jacob throughout the movie and hope that he looks up to me in that same way. In many ways, a son also just wants to see their fathers fight for them, to be their hero when the time comes.

This isn't far-fetched, and it doesn't take much to pull this off. Today, it was simply taking Jacob to a movie and telling him that I loved him. On other days, it's playing video games together. Always, it's letting him see me do what he has always been taught is right. I expected to get a deep father-son teaching moment out of "Courageous", but was equally glad to find one in "Real Steel".

On another note, while I told Jacob that I would never trade him for any amount of money, I couldn't help but think that God once traded His only Son for the entire world to be able to have eternal life with Him.

Brainstorming while also researching our "muse"

2011-10-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

While my family and I are brainstorming where we will build our niche market, online business (aka our "muse" as Tim Ferriss would call it from the Four-Hour Work Week), I am also going through the book (The Four Hour Work Week) again to refresh my memory. I am pulling a lot of details I may have missed as well.

We're not basing the enter project off this book alone. We are scouring the web for articles of people who have also succeeded with this philosophy in business, the new rich.

Some of the points that I picked up from the book last night were the following:

Whatever the muse is, test it and research it for potential profitability. Look before we leap essentially.
Decide on how we are going to sell and distribute our product/service before we actually make the product/service.
Niche market, niche market, niche market. Big business goes after the majority of customers to provide the most sales at the lowest price. Getting a hire price point, a higher profit margin, our product/service will need to meet a very specific need for a very specific type of customer. We don't need all 7 billion people on the planet buying, just enough to buy enough for $4000 in profits...or more.
Limit distributors to one. The more competition among distributors the more price war that would happen. The only folks who would lose on that is our family business. This is not to be confused with competing against other products. I'm talking about having my own product compete against itself because it was placed in competing stores (online or in real life.)

I'll keep you posted on how this develops.

Step One of the Project Underway

2011-10-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as a family, we listed a variety of things we do, use, and need every day as part of our lives.

The challenge was that we were not ready to start thinking of business ideas, and I had to remind the rest of us to simply stick to the topic of listing what we do and use every day. The business ideas will come later as we start asking ourselves what we can provide that meets those daily needs in a better way than what is available today.

We used a dry erase board. Everyone provided ideas to the list. Emma was our scribe. Liv was the biggest culprit in jumping the gun by throwing business ideas onto the table during this exercise. I think there is value in having kids help with this process. They have an innate ability to keep things simple.

My Response to the "Occupy" Movement

2011-10-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

I have recently taken time to learn as much about the "Occupy Wall Street" movement as I can to better understand why this protest happening, and what is the goal of the protest. In the end, I concluded that while there is value in having a mass venting of grievances, overall it will be wasted energy that produces very little change, if any, because of the diverse platforms being addressed. Many of these platforms and grievances would actually contradict each other if we took the time to resolve them.

Here are the predominant themes I see coming out of the movement:

People are mad at the "status quo."
Jobs to stay in the U.S. instead of being outsourced overseas.
Corporate America to pay their "fair share".
Accountability in government.
We are the 99%. I don't know, you tell me.
It is all greedy corporate America's fault because they have turned out government into a puppet.

I've discussed the issue with classmates from Del Mar College in a government class, and with family and friends on Facebook as well, so I do not plan to bring the debate/discussion here. I simply want to share what my family (if we are part of the 99%) are going to DO about it rather than protest with words and venting anger.

J. Stanley wrote a book called The Millionaire Next Door, and states that 80% of our nation's citizens who have a net worth greater than $1 million are new money, first-generation wealthy. Some of these new rich are coming from the ranks of poverty. A free market society allowed this to happen. Jobs were created in the process. Tax dollars were generated in the form of income and sales taxes. This is far better for everyone than if there was no business created at all. This sounds like the American Dream in action to me. Therefore, I do find it a bit ironic and ridiculous that people are protesting against "greedy corporations that are only concerned with turning a profit." No profit means no taxes from anyone. Steve Jobs is a great example of what I am talking about. He is both the epitome of "the 99%" AND corporate America. See his 2005 Stanford graduation speech.

Here is what I propose to do with my own family to insure our own financial success for generations to come.

The Project: As a family, we will create a profit-earning business by June 1, 2012. My family consists of myself (age 35), Liv (31, I mean 21!), Jacob (10), and Emma (8) - plus a dog named Oreo and our cat, Eartha.

Start up capital: We will save $2000 for the start up capital on this project. Small capital requires us to think bare bones on expenses, getting the most out of our business dollars, and restricts our business ideas to the simplest and most profit-potential ideas possible.

Goal: Earn minimum $4000 in profits after taxes and expenses.

Objectives:

As a family, learn what it takes to start a profitable business.
Decide through brainstorming ideas what would be a good, simple, profitable product or service that can be sold easily and with a desired profit margin.
Determine desired profit margin, target number of sales.
Learn how to conduct preliminary research to decide if a product or service is worth pursuing, pricing, and target market.
Utilize the Small Business Development Center at Del Mar College to review our business plan as needed.
Create systems that will insure a smooth process from customer attraction, conversion, sales, delivery, payments, and profits.
Create a business entity as a family - decide among sole proprietorship, partnership, LLC, LLP, or incorporation.
Create a plan for how we want to spend the profits, and refrain from purchasing those items until we achieve our goal of $4000 in profits.
Decide as a family when to close business (if profitability is not attainable), or if profitable after reaching objective whether to sell off business or continue to operate business as well as decide whether to scale up operations.
Create measures for red light and green light decisions (close up shop, stop spending, adjust spending, continue business, etc.)
Decide as a family when to do work in-house (lol) or to out-source tasks to skilled professionals.

We might fail at this and be out $2000, but it will be an education well worth the $2000 spent. Now, that's tuition for education if you ask me. My hope is to do something like this every year. One project a year of some kind.

So, our next step is really two-fold (maybe three-fold): Develop an idea for a product or service while saving up for the $2000 start up capital (so far we are setting aside 10% of our take home pay to do this and we already adjusted our expenses to make sure we can do that.) We should have the start up capital ready by the time we roll out.

Divorce Costs Businesses in Their Bottom Line.

2011-10-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

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Conversely, employees in successful relationships increase profits for their employers. These workers are more stable, more committed to their employer, and are often considered more dependable and motivated. Employees in healthy relationships are also physically healthier, experiencing fewer chronic health problems like stress, anxiety, and depression, saving companies money in overall health care expenditures.
Divorce costs companies in productivity. Assuming that you had one $8/hour employee get a divorce it is estimated it will cost the company up to $3,770 per year.

Source: www.rightfromthestart.org

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The Art of Marriage comes to Corpus Christi, November 11-12, 2011.

2011-10-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Marriage video-conference coming to Corpus Christi, November 11-12. "The Art of Marriage" by FamilyLife hosted by Tony & Alma Montana at Calvary Baptist Church. Register at http://wtrcc.webconnex.com/aomcbc. Cost is $37. Event runs Friday 7p-9:30p and Saturday 9a-4p. Refreshments, of course, but no childcare so plan accordingly.

Why Should You Attend, Guys?
The funny thing about most men is that we will take the time to take care of our cars because we do not want them to break down. Some of us will go to the doctor because we do not want our bodies to break down. What do we do to make sure that our families do not break down? What tools do we have available to us to make sure that we are doing the absolute best that we can as fathers and husbands?

I am a firm believer that the U.S. Army had it right when they say, "Knowledge is power." There is no weakness in taking my wife to an event like "The Art of Marriage". In fact, by attending and participating in this event, I may gain knowledge, or be reminded of knowledge, that will strengthen my marriage just a little bit more. The closer I am to my wife, the stronger our family is, and the stronger our demonstration of God's love for our family to the world. God can use our marriages as an example for others to follow in a world where we place emphasis on professional success over family success. I have never heard of a man on his death bed saying, "I wish I could sell just one more widget, or that I was #1 at work." From what I have experienced and heard, most men wish they could have spent just one more day or moment with the ones they loved the most, or that they had spent more time with their wives and children when they had the chance.

Now is our chance. Don't let it pass you by. A day and a half is a great investment of time in the one earthly relationship that should matter the most.

My Son's First Campaign Loss

2011-09-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

Jacob ran for 5th Grade Student Council this week, and I am proud of him for trying. This was totally out of his comfort zone, creating public campaign posters, writing and saying a speech in front of his peers, pulling for votes, asking me for a letter of recommendation and so on. He went with a "Team Jacob" campaign and designed his posters to have a Twilight motif. It was so catchy that when he went first to give his campaign speech and ended with, "Vote Team Jacob!" ALL of his opponents copied the phrase.

Jacob was mad that everyone copied something he worked so hard on, but I shared with him the compliments that came with that. His opponents were so threatened by it, and liked it so much, that they incorporated it into their own campaigns. In the end, two girls were elected.

I like that Jacob had this experience. I would have liked it even more if he was elected and got to serve on the Student Council, but there are lessons to learn from losing as well for the next time he campaigns. This may just be the start of it for him.

The Art of Marriage Reviewed: Two Thumbs Up!

2011-08-27T21:06:00.001-07:00

This weekend, 5 couples from the Corpus Christi Volunteer Team for Weekend to Remember viewed FamilyLife's new video event program called "The Art of Marriage". The program was designed to be a smaller, video-based version of the Weekend to Remember marriage conference, but be more than just a talking head recorded from a conference. Well, FamilyLife succeeded.

We were blown away by the content we thought we knew so well, and the flow of the video was amazing. They used a variety of experts, interviews on the street, and skits/scenarios to keep us entertained. Three projects and many mini-exercises made the event interactive with plenty of time for a date lunch if we wanted.

Keep an eye out for "The Art of Marriage" in your area, or take the plunge and host an event by going to http://www.theartofmarriage.com. We're already planning bigger events for three local church venues. More info to come on that in the coming weeks.

Marriage Memo: Who Is Your Closest Neighbor?

2011-08-15T07:16:00.001-07:00

From: "FamilyLife" <flannounce@familylife.com>

Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2011 07:03:09 -0700

To: Jerry Dugan<jerry_s_dugan@yahoo.com>

ReplyTo: <flannounce@familylife.com>

Subject: Marriage Memo: Who Is Your Closest Neighbor?

Having trouble reading this email? View it online

August 15, 2011

Who Is Your Closest Neighbor?

by Dave Boehi

One of the most interesting passages of Scripture to me is Matthew 22:35-40, where Jesus was asked, "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" Jesus answered that the two foundational commandments in the Bible are, 1) "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind"; and 2) "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

That's what the Bible really is about, isn't it? It tells us about how to relate to God and how to relate to other people. You could read through any section of Scripture and ask yourself two questions:

"What does this passage tell me about my need to love God with all my heart and soul and mind?"
"What does this tell me about loving my neighbor?"

And now let me ask you: Who is your closest neighbor?

If you are married, your closest neighbor is your spouse.

Do you see where I'm going with this? If one of the primary themes of the Bible is relating to your neighbor, and your closest neighbor is your spouse, then the Scriptures have a lot more to say about marriage than many people realize.

In the same way, the Bible has a lot more to say about family than many of us realize. After all, your next closest neighbors are probably your children, your parents, and other extended family members.

So when I read in Matthew 6:14-15 about my need forgive others, I need to apply that to my marriage and family.

When Colossians 3:8 tells me to put aside "anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth," I need to examine myself and ask how I talk to my wife and children.

As you read through the Scriptures over the next few weeks, look for ways to apply biblical truths to your relationships at home. After all, if your faith doesn't work in the context of your family relationships, where will it work?

This article originally appeared in Marriage Memo on April 16, 2007.

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The Dugan Spot: E.P. Dugan in the making

2011-07-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

E.P. Dugan in the making:This is a blog post I wrote for our family blog about a father-daughter bonding project that Emma and I are working on after having been inspired by the Lifetime biopic about J.K. Rowling's life. Emma wants to write a short children's story and have it published. She asked me to help her do it.

Watched "Magic Beyond Words" with Liv and Emma tonight

2011-07-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching a Lifetime movie, and I liked it! What the heck? It was "Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story". Wow! That's all I can really say. I was amazed at how inspiring the movie was, and I have a greater appreciation for what she went through to get to success with the Harry Potter series.

1500 Calorie Meal Plan | LIVESTRONG.COM

2011-07-14T19:32:00.001-07:00

http://www.livestrong.com/article/62653-calorie-meal-plan/

Life Planning, So What Do You Want to Do?

2011-07-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

Life Planning - So, What Do You Want to Do? on Prezi

A Call to Men - Tony Porter

2011-06-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

I saw a video of this guy while I went through orientation at the Women's Shelter of South Texas. It's a call to men to take a serious look at why violence is so prevalent among men, and how we are objectifying women without realizing it. Please take a look at this 11-minute video and take a moment to ponder on what you just watched.

25 Ways to Spiritually Lead Your Family by Dennis Rainey

2011-06-17T09:32:00.001-07:00

25 Ways To Spiritually Lead Your Family

Ideas for men who want to leave a spiritual legacy.

Dennis Rainey

Pray daily with your wife.

Write a love letter that she'd like to receive.

Discover her top three needs and over the next 12 months go all out to meet them.

Buy her a rose. Take her in your arms. Hold her face gently. Look into her eyes and say "I'd marry you all over again!"

Take her on a weekend getaway.

Read the Scriptures to her.

Replace the "D" word with the "C" word! (D: divorce - C: commitment)

Court her.

Remain faithful to her.

Fulfill your marriage covenant.

Have a family time at least one night a week.

Use circumstances to teach your children to trust God.

Protect your family from evil.

Restrain your teenager's passion.

Set spiritual goals for your children.

Take one or two of your children on mission trips.

Catch your kids doing something right--and let them know you caught them.

Date your daughters.

Inspect what you expect.

Do a Proverbs breakfast Bible study with your teens (15 and older).

Hug and kiss your sons and daughters.

Ask your children for forgiveness when you fail them.

Pray with them.

Call them to a spiritual mission to do what God wants to do with their life.

Persevere and don't quit.

Oreo, the Wonder Dog

2011-06-06T20:42:00.001-07:00

For those following the saga of Oreo, the hurt stray dog we found in our yard a month ago, he is doing well.

Liv and I are convinced that he is fully healed because when he runs all over the house, he uses all four legs perfectly fine and gets some real speed going. He starts limping the moment he sees us watching him. That faker!

Oreo has really grown on us. We're getting used to taking care of him. It takes more effort to take care of him than our cat Eartha.

My Own Replacement

2011-05-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

I served as a U.S. Army medic invading Iraq in 2003 with the 1st Battalion, 10th Field Artillery, 3rd Infantry Division. Like in the movies, I wrote my final letter to my wife letting her know how much I loved her. Unlike the movies, I actually mailed mine right before the invasion began. I was sure I would be killed in action. The experience was surreal, and today I often forget that I was even there. Once in a while, I get a powerful reminder of how lucky I was, or how un-deservingly blessed I am. Today, my church, Bay Area Fellowship, had a Humvee on stage for the Memorial Day weekend. The configuration of the Humvee was the high-back, cargo-type similar to what I rode and drove into Iraq. I found myself getting choked up as I told my family that I rode in something like that. They had a glimpse into a life they have never really known, my life in the Army.

February 2003, Kuwait, Decontamination drill. This vehicle would be my home for 3 months. It was a bunk, a tent, an awning, an ambulance, a command vehicle, whatever we needed it to be.

I made it to Baghdad in one piece and survived two fire fights where I almost moved into gunfire both times. We expected to have our worst casualties in the capital city. I'd definitely buy it then, I was dancing with death. We didn't take any casualties as a matter of fact.

We occupied a barracks said to be the training grounds for the Republican Guard and it was next to a missile research & manufacturing facility. We experienced a drive-by shooting almost every night. The missile complex was always overrun with looters and I was part of a small, 3-man patrol without a radio that ran the same looters out every day. In a short amount of time, I was becoming a monster living in a hell of my own making. A Christ follower eventually challenged me on what I was doing, and I found myself praying to God for the very first time since I was a little kid.

Day 3 of Operation Iraqi Freedom outside of As Samawah. My view from the back of the Humvee.

I went into my room which doubled as the platoon aid station and prayed, "God, if you're listening to me, you better replace me with a man my wife deserves as a husband and the father my children need to grow up into good people." Well, I obviously made it home. I recently had a conversation about how we surrender our lives, die to our own desires and self, to become who God planned for us to become, then it hit me. God DID replace the man who made that prayer. He made me into my own replacement!

Day 7 of Operation Iraqi Freedom after a nasty 3-day sandstorm that turned everything red by day and pitch black by night.

When I made that prayer in Baghdad, I was expecting to die a violent death before it was time to come home. It was only a matter of time that my 3-man patrol would be overrun by a hundred angry looters looking for revenge, but that time never came. The reality is that in a spiritual sense I did die out there, and God replaced me on the inside with a man who returned to his family in July 2003 changed to be the husband and father my family needed.

Seeing the effects of our artillery strikes as we enter Baghdad in early-April 2003.

Caught by my Own Hypocrite Radar.

2011-05-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

My son, Jacob, was playing in a Little League playoff tournament this past Monday. We had practiced one-on-one for days fixing his swing, meditating on confidence at the plate, and fielding. He was doing great in practice. Jacob's throws were long, fast, and accurate. His hitting was consistently putting line drive hits into the outfield. I truly felt like he had a shot and having a great showing in the playoffs, and even earn a spot on an All-Star team. Jacob said he felt very confident.

Monday's game came, but Jacob's game didn't. He was off the entire night. At catcher, his throws back to the pitcher were scary going everywhere but to the pitcher. It was frustrating to see all that training, and all that progress go to waste. When Jacob came to the plate for what would be his only at-bat, he struck out on three pitches. On the first pitch, he loaded perfectly, his timing step was perfect, and when it was time to swing, he did...nothing. There was no movement to swing, no effort, just a complete stop. On the second pitch, he swung late, and threw all of his training out the window for a swing with poor technique. On the third pitch, he did exactly what he had done on the first pitch, nothing. He walked to the dugout holding back tears. He was obviously frustrated with himself, too.

I walked to the dugout to talk with him. Instead of a gentle, you'll-get-them-next-time, I gave him a typical frustrated coach's wake up call. My first words to him were, "You loaded perfectly, you stepped perfectly, then...you did nothing when you were supposed to swing. Why?"

Jacob looked stunned. He was hoping to get some answers from me, and instead I turned the questions back onto him. Why did he choose to do nothing? What happens when you do nothing? Nothing. (Gotta love Mel Gibson from "Braveheart" for that line.) "Stop doing nothing when you need to be doing something!" I continued. "Wake up, son. I know you are tired, but you need to concentrate and force yourself to do your best when you're tired. It's when you're tired that you have to use your mind the most." I told him I loved him, and I wanted to see him do his best. I didn't care if he hit homeruns, I didn't care if his team won or lost, but I cared whether or not he was trying his best. He insisted he was, and I said for him to stop lying to himself, face the truth, and fix the problem. The truth is that I really wanted to see him hit a homerun more than I wanted to see him do his best.

I walked back to my seat feeling bad. I gave my son the crazy dad talk. When I sat down, I said to myself, "He needed to hear that. He needed to get a wake up call and think about how he is playing this game so he can do his best." I was reassuring myself.

Then, I heard a different voice in the back of my head say something that nearly brought me to tears, "Funny. All this effort to concentrate on a baseball game. When is the last time you encouraged your son to focus on me?" Uh oh.

All this pressure to hit a baseball, play a game, and win a tournament, but where was the effort to build his spiritual life and relationship with Jesus Christ? How was I encouraging him to pray, to seek God, to find comfort in Him, and to be an example for others to follow? How was my leadership as a father setting a Godly example? That scolding totally missed the mark. It wasn't like I caught Jacob cheating or being a poor sportsman. He was simply having a bad day, and rather than encourage him, I berated him. Caught by my own hypocrite radar.

His team lost 11-1, and we had a good talk about the game. I wanted to be sure to let him know that he is my son, and I will always love him without condition. As his father, I wanted him to understand that I will always want him to do his best, but my love for him did not depend on how he performed in a baseball game. He smile, and that's all I needed to see. My boy is such a loving boy.

God's Favor in the Little Things

2011-04-29T13:27:00.000-07:00

The last five years have been a financial struggle for my family. We have recently been blessed in two very big ways. First, we learned with absolute clarity God's plan for our lives in regards to strengthening the marriages of those around us through FamilyLife Ministries. Second, I began a full-time position with the Women's Shelter of South Texas as a Community Educator and the income from that position covers our needs. Those two things alone have been plenty to praise, but I am learning little by little each day how much more God has been with us, blessing us and building us up in the last five years.

I'm finding opportunity to praise God even when our car broke down a couple of weeks ago (fuel pump had to be replaced and a lot of electrical stuff stopped working), a tire on that same car exploded a couple days ago, and our truck's battery wasn't taking a charge. Our home's HVAC needs to be serviced now, one side of our fence was almost completely missing, and the expenses seem to be mounting. So, how can I find reason to praise God in all of this?

We had just saved enough money in our emergency fund to cover the cost of the fuel pump replacement, if that pump had gone out six months ago we would have become a 1-car family and that would have taken us out of the ministries we serve in. The mechanic fixing the car's electrical stuff said everything looked rusted out like the car had been sitting for years. I couldn't help but notice how it all worked for as long as it did until I was able to afford to fix it. The car tire, same thing. It should have blown a lot sooner by the looks of it now, and someone was nearby to help me change my tire quickly. The truck just needed a new battery and it was still under a prorated warranty so a $100 battery only cost us $40. The old battery was considered a miracle battery because it was still working two years past its expiration date. Our neighbors pieced together the fallen fence with planks and posts gathered from their family and we chipped in money for about 25 additional planks to complete the fence, so a $500 side of fence was replaced for $30 and my neighbor's elbow grease. God's favor is definitely in the little things all around my family.

As for the HVAC servicing, we have money leftover from the money saved from the car repairs and fence repair. Amen :)

Oreo, One Week Later

2011-04-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

I think it's official. Oreo is part of the family. We posted an ad on Craigslist and called various shelters and the pet hotline. No one called for Oreo. That's okay with us. Our family will give him a home for many years to come.

Oreo is walking around now, but he favors his injured leg. Liv said today that he is starting to put some weight on it now, but not much. He loves our family and has moments of separation anxiety. He's a good dog, mild mannered, lovable. We try to speculate on the type of home he came from. His nails were groomed, and he's housebroken, so there was some care taken in him. However, we can't help but think that the veterinarian described his injury as "focused blunt trauma" and he has moments when he is skittish around us. In any case, he is with us now.

Eartha, our cat, even seems to take a liking to Oreo. In fact, I think she picks on him for amusement. It's almost like the animal version of Emma picking on Jacob.

Introducing Oreo.

2011-04-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

We're not dog people! That's what I thought until yesterday when a hurt dog came crawling out of our front yard bushes while Liv was mowing and I was edging. Yes, I had to make it clear that I was doing something while Liv was mowing the front yard.

Liv turned to me and said there was a hurt dog in our bushes. I looked over to her and saw it was the same little white and black dog that was in our front yard that morning when I sent Emma outside to get the Sunday paper. He was obviously limping and trying hard not to put any weight on his left rear leg. I didn't know what to do. Well, I did, but I didn't want to say it out loud. We would have to take this dog in if we can't find its owner. We sent the kids next door to see if they knew who the dog belonged to. The rationale was that dog owners seem to know other dog owners and their dogs. It made sense at the time.

When our next door neighbors didn't know, we called on Joshua and Jessica who live a few doors down and across the street. They're like the neighborhood animal rescue family. Joshua and Jessica came to the rescue calling friends, family, and various shelters to see if the dog had been reported missing. His front paws were shaking from muscle failure having to hold himself up all day. The couple eventually took him to a veterinarian hospital nearby for help, and found out that (1) he didn't have a chip implanted to identify him as belonging to anyone, and (2) he had a dislocated hip that needed to be reset. The dislocated hip was due to focused blunt trauma. He would also need a place to live for at least a little while, and our family knew instantly that we would need to take him in. He came to us of all the homes in the neighborhood. Even before Joshua and Jessica took him to the hospital, he found comfort in being close to our children and to me. We fell in love with him instantly.

Here's the God-story in this.

Our pastor gave a sermon yesterday about how God created each of us with special gifts and talents to be able to reach out to the world and introduce people to Jesus Christ. The challenge for the week was to ask God to place us in front of someone we needed to invite to attend church with us this Easter Weekend. My mind was a blank.

We're not dog people, but we know people on our street who are and we reached out to them for help. While we waited for Jessica to make her final calls and get her truck keys to take the dog to the hospital, Joshua stayed with us. Out of the blue, he asked us what church we attend, and we told him Bay Area Fellowship. Joshua perked up, and then said that was on their list of churches to try out. He was new to the bible and wanted to understand it better, and he felt that attending a good non-denominational church would help with that.

Our next door neighbors were still with us, and they also said they'd like to try a church, so we extended an invitation to them, too. I looked down at the hurt dog who was looking up at me with his puppy dog eyes, and I looked at our neighbors who we just invited to church thinking about that sermon at that moment. I could only smile say to myself, "God sure knows what he's doing." He didn't really use our gifts to bring people to Christ, he used their gifts to bring them to us.

So, What About the Dog?

Our kids were excited that we would be taking in a dog, especially Jacob who always wanted a dog instead of a cat. Poor kid gets out-voted every time. They even began thinking of names for him. Jacob first thought of "Buttercup" like the unicorn from Toy Story 3, then Emma said "Bob" because she liked the name. Jacob rebutted with "Jacob, Jr.", then Emma said we would have to get another cat so we could name it "Emma, Jr.". I left the room, and within minutes I heard them shouting to each other in agreement that he would be named "Oreo". I think it's the only thing they have ever agreed on in their entire lives.

That night, I had a 10-month old dog sleeping in my bathtub named Oreo. He slept all night because he was drugged up in order to set his hip back into place. We need to keep him confined for about 3 days for everything in his hip to heal, and he'll come to the Valley with us on a trip to visit Grandpa Efrain. We'll decide there if his new home will be on my father-in-law's acreage or in our Corpus Christi home. We will also need to be fair to whoever his owners are and give him back if we see fliers posted in our area. Either way, Oreo has a home where he will be loved and cared for.

A Broken Down Car, and a Test in Financial Stewardship

2011-04-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

Many folks know by now that I recently took a full-time position working for the Women's Shelter of South Texas as a Community Educator. The steady paycheck has been a blessing to my family and the job has been a huge leap forward in our ministry to strengthen marriages in our community.

Recently our 2000 Chevy Malibu (aka "Daisy") did not want to start. The engine cranked, but never started. On top of that, we have had issues with taillights, headlights, and a few other key electrical items not working. We feared the worse, and wondered what we would need to do.

We definitely need that second car to work in order to carry on with our crazy schedules. There were a few choices in front of us:

Write the car off as kaput, and reduce ourselves to a single car. This would require that we pull our kids out of their activities since I would have the truck most of the time for work.
Get the car fixed at a cost of about $800-$1000 minimum.
Buy a new car (at least new to us), but we would have to try to get financing.

Although it was seriously considered, having only one car proved to not be an option. There is just so much that Liv and I have to do that requires two cars not even considering the kids' activities.

That left the options of either fixing or replacing the car.

Emergency Funds Rock! Get One.
I am a big fan of Dave Ramsey, and have been since before I took on real estate in 2006. One frustrating thing to me has been that in the last five years, I have never gotten past Baby Step #1, to create an emergency fund of $1000. It seems that every time we get that fund built up, it gets depleted right away by a legitimate emergency, and I don't mean the I-gotta-have-a-new-tv kind either. Real estate income has been spotty for the past five years for me, which was a major factor in not having enough to rebuild that fund. I would be on the verge of seeking a job to cover expenses, then have a flood of escrowed contracts, pass on the jobs because I'd think I finally made it in real estate, then have the majority of those contracts fall through. I'd end up making just enough to keep my house and the basics still running. Short story, this time around, I finally picked up on the pattern and got a job. I do not regret that decision in any way, and sometime (most of the time) wish I had made the decision sooner. I am blessed that my wife doesn't rub my nose in that one.

What Are We Going to Do About the Car?
Here's the thing. I am leaning towards fixing the car and making do for a little while longer with it. Liv feels that we should go ahead and finance a new one. Not a brand new one, just something "newer" and "reliable". She had seen some auto sales ads showing off monthly payments of $199/month (probably some crazy financing package over five years). Liv made the point that even if we got the car fixed, it would eventually die out again soon and that it would not hold up to the amount of driving that my new job requires. I could only share with her that I physically feel like an anvil is on my chest when the thought of new debt is offered into my life. To me, new debt means new bondage, new slavery to another creditor, especially at a time when we are starting to climb out of our financial mess. I was also concerned that Liv may be thinking again in terms of "monthly payments" and tying up all our available income towards monthly payments, which is the kind of thinking that gets so many Americans into overwhelming debt. We can afford the $199/month, but it would slow us down on our goal to pay off our old debts and save for a future (retirement, move to Little Rock, etc.)

The Budget:
We had two closings with real estate that brought in extra income. Most of that money was used to rebuild the emergency fund, then get ourselves caught up on our bills, and there was some money left over. We planned our cashflow from April through June.

Paying off our past due amounts allowed us to reset our budget & budget calendar (we plan our cashflow on both a spreadsheet for the math and a calendar as a visual aid of the spreadsheet), and that did quite a few things for our finances. One benefit of paying off those overdue bills was that our bills are now lower because we aren't throwing money away on late fees any more. It also changed up when we fund our food and gas categories.

The Outcome:
All this said, we are able to pay for an $800 repair because we earned some extra income through real estate ($425 toward the car), are able to pry another $200 from our current food & gas budget because of our new numbers, and will only have to dip into our emergency fund for $200-$300. Or, we can choose to tough it out for a couple of weeks and leave the emergency fund alone for some other rainy day. Whew! Thank you, God, for all of your provision, and for your wisdom in having me get a full-time job! Not a single credit card will be used by the Dugan family despite this emergency.

So, What About a New Car (The Dave Ramsey Way)?
We will need a new car in the next year or two. I definitely agree with Olivia on that one. Rather than put my family into new bondage, I plan to follow a Dave Ramsey principle I learned called a "sinking fund" or a "car replacement fund". I can set up a monthly auto-draft into my saving account for whatever amount we would be able to afford in a monthly payment for a car, let's say $199/month. After 12 months, I would have $2388 saved up. In 24 months, I'd have $4776. The latter amount would be enough to buy (in cash) an economy car that was about 7 or 8 years old. It wouldn't be much, but it would be a car without payments. A financed car at the same price for about 3-5 years would hit me for a tune of $8500. That's a terrible price to pay for a car worth about $4700.

Let's say we repeat that process again for about 24 more months, but now we can kick it up to $250/month because we have been paying off our other debts. That would give us $6000 PLUS whatever we sell that economy car for, let's say $1500. We now have $7500 to upgrade to another used car. Two years later, another upgrade if we need it. Never once touching, or even thinking about, financing.

A car is not an asset, it's a tool to get from one place to another, and it depreciates like crazy. I'm not going to finance anything that depreciates any more. My family does not deserve that kind of mistake from me ever again.

Why Am I Sharing So Much?
I'm being very open about our finances right now because I feel led that our story will help you or someone you know. Most marriages end because couples haven't put themselves on the same page when it comes to money. Often, a bad purchase is made on credit as a "compromise", but that kind of compromise will hurt families in the long run. Stick together, and be able to say no when needed to purchases made on credit for the sake of your marriage and your family.

What a Weekend to Remember in Corpus Christi!

2011-03-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

I was definitely humbled and in awe during the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway in Corpus Christi, March 18-20. The volunteers were phenomenal, and kept their spirits high. They were there because they were called by God to be there, and not because someone made them feel guilty or placed a sense of obligation in them.

Steve & Bobbie Lawrence of Real Life Fellowship led a prayer team that was on-site in full force, and in even greater force off-site. We linked up with the Cleveland, Ohio Weekend to Remember Prayer Team as well to pray over each other's getaways. The veterans on the team were amazed at how the Lawrences and the prayer team were able to walk out of the room in high spirits, but they were well-grounded in God's word and set up an environment filled with a positive, uplifting atmosphere (Christian music in the background, pranks galore, and even an appearance by Frio Caliente our team's unofficial prayer wrestler.)

The rest of the team filled in all the remaining roles perfectly, helping with the Homebuilders Movement table, handing out brochures, greeting, meeting, connecting, and even praying. The amazing thing about the team is that we added 2 new couples to our volunteer family without having to go on a recruiting campaign. God simply brought them to us! I didn't have to convince them to join, throw benefits their way or anything. They were there because they felt led, then they were asked, and they obediently said yes to what God put on their hearts. That was very evident when I asked my long-lost twin, Greg Hood, to join us. At the end of the weekend, I went to dismiss him, but there was a look on his face that said, "I'm not done here." That look bugged me when I went upstairs without inviting him to join us, because I had a tug on my heart to do so, but I didn't. I sat down, contemplated it some more. Liv said don't worry about it, but it was still there. When Steve Lawrence told me that Greg was ready and willing to join our wrap up meeting, I knew that he needed to join us.

The resources center was selling out of books faster than they could keep them stocked.

Couples were sharing with us many of their stories such as being on the verge of divorce and now renewed in their love for each other, or glad to be able to get away from the kids to focus on each other, and my favorite, the mother from New Mexico who came to the Corpus Christi event to celebrate her 30th anniversary. We found her on the phone during a break on Sunday trying to schedule a Weekend to Remember for her five grown children and their spouses ASAP.

We may not have met the numbers we had hoped for, but God was definitely moving in the hearts of those who attended and served at Weekend to Remember. We are shifting to a year-round presence for marriage ministry in Corpus Christi. Next up, monthly meetings, small group sessions to build up our own marriages as we work toward building up the marriages of others, and video-events called The Art of Marriage (hopefully in August in multiple churches in Corpus Christi.)

Leading up to Weekend to Remember in Corpus Christi

2011-03-16T14:54:00.000-07:00

Last night was the final prayer meeting of the 2011 season for the Corpus Christi Weekend to Remember Team. There was a sense of accomplishment for me during that meeting although I know I will become more anxious and excited over the next couple of days. The reason I had a calm about myself though was how everything has come together. We didn't see the number of registrations this year I had hoped to see, which means to me fewer people learning about God's plan for their marriages. However, many new relationships were started that will carry into years to come that will allow Corpus Christi to have an effective resources available throughout the year that strengthens marriages.

Some of those new relationships include the South Texas Children Home Ministries, Healthy Marriages Coalition, TwogetherInTexas, Avance, and more. We are also building and rebuilding relationships with churches in town, and have a better sense on how to engage our volunteer team as well as pour into their own marriages.

I am excited to see what this weekend holds for many couples, but I'm especially excited to see what 2012 has in store for this ministry (FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember & Homebuilders Movement.)

And He Praises Her

2011-03-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

Liv recently went on a Journey to Demascus retreat with her sister. While she was gone, my kids and I took an opportunity to put Proverbs 31:28 into practice, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."

We wrote out about 50-60 handwritten notes and planted them all over the home where Liv goes throughout her daily routines. I wanted to do this because I was leaving for a 5-day conference the day she was returning from her retreat. In fact, I was missing the closing ceremony of JTD, and I wanted Liv to know we appreciate everything she does for us every day.

She loved it. There were notes where she would never think to look like inside the cat food container, taped to her dining table setting, the washing machine, even tucked in her folded clothes in the dresser. She found most of them with the help of Emma, but I'm glad to say that a week later she still has a few more to find that will take a while to pop up.

I had a lot of fun writing and hiding these notes with my kids. They learned another way to show their mother how much they love her. It set an example for what my daughter should expect when she is older, and what my son should do when he is a husband. Most of all, I love the smile these notes are bringing to my wife's face. She's getting in on the act now! In fact, I just found a note from her tucked in my Bible at Proverbs 31. She said she thought it'd be a long time before I found it. What Liv didn't know is that I reference Proverbs 31 all the time. (Specifically, I reference Proverbs 31: 11,23, & 28. Husbands, go look it up.)

I Got Married for the Tax Break! How About You?

2011-03-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

I proposed to Olivia because when I began to seriously think about what my life would look like 50 years down the road, she was by my side holding my hand at our anniversary celebration. I knew that we were meant for each other. I did not want to live life with anyone else. I loved her then as I love her now, the wife of my youth.

The tough thing about having a healthy marriage in today's world is that we are bombarded by so many messages about instant happiness, relationships built on feelings, and we are often sold on quick fixes...even in relationships. When we don't see the kind of marriage we want, we replace it with another one like anything else in life. This is what we have programmed into our minds (at least subconsciously) when we enter marriage.

Over time, we take our "soulmates" for granted, and we begin to say things about our marriages like the following:

We just grew apart.
I don't know my husband anymore.
She doesn't understand my needs, and never listens to me.
I need to be happy.
I don't love you anymore.

The fact is that when we dated our spouses, we put a lot of effort into impressing that person. We planned dates. We dressed our best for those dates. We may have even started working out to get or stay fit. However, once we married, we treated the marriage ceremony as the end result rather than the start of a wonderful legacy-building journey. We tend to create a roommate/business-partner relationship with the one we vowed to love and cherish for our entire lives. The lifetime commitment is then looked at as a curse, or life sentence, rather than a celebration.

When is the last time you planted notes around the house for your spouse to find? Or, planned a getaway for just the two of you (which requires hunting down a trustworthy babysitter)? Men, have you ever given up a fishing trip, or motorcycle ride, or something else about you, so that you could do something just for her before she asks for it? The reality is that having a healthy marriage takes as much effort, if not more effort, as when you were dating your spouse.

Our marriages are meant to be more than just a tax break. My wife is more than a roommate who washes my laundry and raises the children. She is my soul mate, my life partner, my best friend, and I get to spend the rest of my life with her because I am blessed to have her in my life. I am blessed that she said yes when I proposed.

Shameless plug:

One way to invest in your marriage is to attend a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway with your spouse. This event is a 3-day event hosted by FamilyLife Ministries. You can register for this event, AND receive the BOGO rate, at http://www.familylife.com/groups/corpuschristi. There is an event coming to Corpus Christi, March 18-20, at the Omni Bayfront Hotel. Can't make that one? That's okay, FamilyLife hosts more than 130 of these events throughout the country throughout the year. I guarantee you that this event is cheaper and much more fun than a divorce. It's worth every penny. My wife and I have attended 4 of these events in the past 5 years. We go every year to improve on our relationship. It's our preventive medicine for our marriage.

Rekindle the Romance Rose Giveaway

2011-02-09T15:29:00.001-08:00

A group of local volunteers partnered with Mardel Christian Bookstore in Corpus Christi to launch a "Rekindling the Romance" rose giveaway. These volunteers will hand out roses to married and engaged couples who enter the store between 3pm and 7pm on Saturday, February 12, the Saturday before Valentine's Day.The roses will come with no strings attached, but will also come with a notecard where people can write a special note to their spouses and also enter in a drawing for a free registration to the upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway coming to Corpus Christi March 18-20. The free registration grand prize will also include a one-night stay at the Omni Bayfront Hotel.

The purpose is to encourage folks to take a moment to invest in their marriages and remember that it's not about the gifts they're giving but the person they are giving them to.

What a volunteer serving in church did for my life.

2011-01-30T06:23:00.000-08:00

When Liv and I first moved to Corpus Christi in late-2003, I wasn't yet a Christian but we were attending church. Actually, we were in the process of trying out different churches. Emma, who was about 7-8 months old at the time, had a tough time being separated from us, so we were often called out of worship service to attend to Emma who never stopped crying since we checked her in with the children's services.

Over time, we noticed that Emma had a better time at Bay Area Fellowship, we weren't getting called out of worship service when we were there. We later found out that the BAF Children's Ministry had assigned one volunteer to hold Emma in a rocking chair for the entire 1-hour service and this would keep her from crying. For about 6 months, this man came in around 10am, greeted all of us, took Emma in his arms and rocked her for an hour. That was the extent of his volunteer service, he held my baby girl in a rocking chair for an hour. He had to, Emma at that time was like the bus from the movie "Speed", if the rocking and holding stopped she exploded into tears and crying.

In those 6 months, I was able to sit through the entire worship service, and it was in those 6 months that my wife and I both received Jesus Christ as our personal Savior and were baptized. That is the impact that our service in church has for other people. A man who simply came in and held baby girl for an hour every weekend for 6-7 months doesn't sound noble or great, however it allowed for an entire family to commit to a relationship with Christ.

Maintain Funding for Family Violence Services is VITAL!

2011-01-27T10:04:00.000-08:00

Let the Texas Legislature know that maintaining funding for family violence services should be a priority.

http://www.tcfv.org/policy/purple-postcard/

Take a moment to click on the link above and fill out a Purple Postcard. The Texas Council on Family Violence will present your Purple Postcard and thousands of others to Texas Lawmakers as they convene in the 82nd Legislature on the importance of continuing the services to victims of domestic violence as well as pursuing social change to reduce and eventually end domestic violence in our homes. When 1 out of 4 women are victims of domestic violence, this issue is too close to home for us to ignore.

How can I be a "full-time" Realtor with a full-time job at the same time?

2011-01-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

I started working with the Women's Shelter of South Texas this week as a Community Educator (Primary Prevention & Education Department).

I may not hold traditional 9-5 hours as a Realtor, but I run my business like a business, and it is FAR from "part-time".

I do have the following systems in place to help folks out:

I can handle up to 15 listings and 3 buyers simultaneously with the system I have put in place. Scheduling becomes the biggest challenge with more than 3 buyers.
I can still serve any additional buyers by conducting an interview with them to find out their real needs and goals, then refer them to an agent I know will be the right fit for them. The benefit to the buyer is finding the right agent who will take care of their needs without any of the guesswork.
The hours with the shelter are a flex 40-hour schedule. No overtime! That means I work 8-4 Monday through Friday, run errands during a paid lunch hour, and am available to show homes after 4:30pm. Nearly 90% of my buyers can't see homes until after 5pm anyway. I have all day Saturday and Sunday by appointment available to me as well.
The majority of the work done for my listings is done on the front end setting up the marketing strategy. Executing reports, conducting market update analyses, and gathering feedback from showings does not require the time that buyers do. When an offer comes in, a meeting can be scheduled after my seller clients are off work, which is more convenient for them.
I have an assistant who handles scheduling and support functions for me.
I have marketing systems in place such as the MLS, Keller Williams Listing Service, and many other tools that market your home relentlessly 24/7.

Even when I didn't have a job, the total time of effective work (the real work that produced results for my clients) I put in as a "full-time" agent was less than 20 hours a week. It's the same for a lot of the traditional "full-time" Realtors as well. When they're not doing the same 20 hours of work, they're eating lunch for 2 hours, shopping, playing with their blogs and websites, fishing, etc. Instead of relaxing, I am using that time to change the community by making families stronger. I am committed to seeing marriages succeed, families to be free of abuse, and people growing closer to God in community. That is what you get when you work with Jerry Dugan the Realtor.

A part-time agent is someone who looks at real estate as something they do on the side, it's not the part-time hours that makes them a part-time agent but their part-time effort. I run a business with systems that provide full-time effort and creates full-time results. Do you see the difference?

Want to be "Blessed by God" or "Can't Afford To"?

2011-01-08T07:03:00.000-08:00

Someone gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble during Christmas, and with that I was able to purchase 2 books online for the price of one book in the store itself. One of those books was The Blessed Life by Robert Morris, a book I have wanted to get my hands on since 2006.

The book is about giving the first of what you have to God's house, and how we can never out give God. There was a phrase that stood out from Robert Morris. Of all the people he has spoken with, those who give a full tithe will say things like "I'm blessed," and "God has blessed me," while those who do not often say, "I can't afford to tithe." It's also a difference in your frame of mind, are you giving back to God who gives you everything, or are you giving to some guy's church because you like what he says on statge (or you like the music.)

So, the question that stuck in my head is this, do you want to be "blessed by God" or someone who always says "I can't afford to." The latter is to say, "I can't afford to live by faith." I can say from personal experience that the months when I did tithe, I was blessed even more, and when I got greedy and stopped tithing, so did the blessings.

For those who really have to know what the second book was that I ordered with my gift card, it was The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris.

A Home is More than 4 Walls, a Roof, and a Mortgag...

2010-12-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

Jerry Dugan The Realtor: A Home is More than 4 Walls, a Roof, and a Mortgag...: "My sphere of influence and closest clients hear me say this all the time, a home is so much more than 4 walls, a roof, and a mortgage. All ..."

Adrift in Marriage - FamilyLife.com

2010-12-06T09:33:00.000-08:00

The link below was an article written by Mary Larmoyeu, Head Staff Writer of FamilyLife, to share our story on why marriage is so importance to Liv and I and how God played a role through a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Getaway. Thanks for letting us share our story with you.

Adrift in Marriage - FamilyLife.com

Used with permission of FamilyLife, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ, www.familylife.com. Copyright © 2010 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Fight to Win by Fighting Fairly

2010-12-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I want to put that out there before anyone made the snap judgment that I thought there is such a thing. However, it is possible to have a thriving marriage , fights and all, if you keep in mind that even though fights will happen in a marriage, they can be fought fairly in a way that your marriage comes out stronger as a result of the process.

Remember these key points the next time you find yourself disagreeing with your spouse?

1. You spouse is NOT your enemy. God put you together for a purpose, His purpose. Men, God gave you His daughter in marriage. Always treat your wife as a daughter of God. How would you want your daughter treated?
2. Divorce is NOT an option. Removing this option from the table forces you to think of solutions to your issues with your spouse. Oddly enough, the best solution often means letting go of "winning" the argument in order to win in your marriage. There are a couple of biblical cases when divorce is necessary (infidelity and abuse), which tells me that we are called in a Christian marriage to make it work.
3. Your spouse is your partner in life...for life. This ties in with #2, but seriously, if you're living with each other for life it's probably worth your while to do things that will help you both thrive.
4. However you like to handle arguments, your spouse is probably the complete opposite. If you were both exactly the same, one of you would be redundant. Keep this in mind. You may like to air out your feelings on the spot, but your spouse may need a few minutes, or a few hours, to soak it all in. Just be sure to resolve the issue before the sun goes down (or before you go to bed).
5. What are you really arguing about? Does your husband really chew his food too loudly, or are you worried about the bills this month? Rather than attack each other, identify and attack the problem...TOGETHER.

Here's the hard part...actually do this the next time you find yourself in an argument and don't expect perfect results. You are two imperfect people living in an imperfect world living imperfect lives surrounded by imperfect people. Get the point? A lot of grace is needed in life, patience, humility, and a little thought also help.

The Black Friday Alternative

2010-11-26T10:05:00.000-08:00

It's the day after Thanksgiving, a holiday where we share all that we are thankful for with our friends and family. I find it interesting that the news is plagued with people waiting in line at various stores offering "Black Friday" sales specials to give people an early jump on their Christmas shopping. Liv and I took a crack at this experience last year, which is how we got the computer we are using today to type this blog post. I did not enjoy that experience.

We waited in line for hours before the store even opened its doors, then waited longer to just get into the store hoping that the computer we wanted wasn't already sold out, and by 9am we had our new CPU. Traffic was crazy, people were in a frenzy, and I found myself asking why everyone was doing this? There was even one family that had split up to cover more ground in search of a flatscreen tv for home. The wife was in line in front of us, the husband at another store, and the teenage kids scattered elsewhere. I hadn't heard coordination like that since I was invading Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Some folks were actually shopping for Christmas gifts. Most seemed to be upgrading their electronics, like us, and taking advantage of deals that are actually offered all year-round if you just have the patience to look for those deals.

Assuming that this all has to do with Christmas shopping, I was also disheartened that Christmas is now about binding ourselves into slavery through credit card debt to purchase electronics, toys, gizmos, and gadgets that we really shouldn't be purchasing for the sake of family finances.

So, a holiday that was meant to celebrate birth and renewal, freedom from slavery to sin, is now more about putting ourselves into the binds of slavery for the sake of "stuff". After all, the rich rule over the poor and the borrower is slave to the lender.

How much of your monthly, or biweekly, paycheck goes towards paying off that flatscreen tv, computer, iPod, iPhone, iPad, iStuff, or that XBox 360 that your kids play and never share with you? How much time is spent on that stuff rather than with your loved ones?

This is what we are doing today on Black Friday. We are spending time together as a family (as soon as I publish this post). We just finished having breakfast together, then we'll head off to Starbucks for hot chocolate and coffee, and come home to decorate for Christmas, light up the fireplace, and set up the Christmas tree. We are not going to any stores today (besides Starbucks). We will not be fighting our fellow man over toys and gadgets that will break in a year or two. We can always buy stuff. We cannot get time back once it is gone.

What are your thoughts on Black Friday? Do you have an alternative that you'd like to share? Maybe you're all about Black Friday, and it's become a family tradition and event. Share your comments.

(Remember, this should be a safe place to comment. Please no bashing other commentators, keep it clean, and have a Merry Christmas.)

Our Trip to Little Rock

2010-11-24T20:31:00.000-08:00

Liv and I had a great opportunity to travel to Little Rock, and a spend a weekend with FamilyLife Ministries. The purpose was for a brainstorming session regarding the new volunteer team structure for FamilyLife's new Homebuilders Movement which is taking off. We were definitely out of our element, or so we thought. Every couple had at least 20 years of marriage under their belts. We had less than 9 years. We were the newest Christians in the crowd having received Christ into our lives in 2004 (6 years ago), but we also knew God had us there for a reason.

We were interviewed by the head staff writer for FamilyLife, Mary Larmoyeux, and shared our story about why marriage is so important for Liv and I, and how God has strengthened our marriage through the Weekend to Remember Getaway. She has written an article that will publish on November 30 in their e-Newsletter called "The Family Room".

We also interviewed for a staff position within FamilyLife, and during that interview the HR rep stated that he could see us working in Little Rock sooner than we think. Liv has had it on her heart ever since we first attended a Weekend to Remember in 2007 that we would one day be on staff with FL in Little Rock. I learned about this from her during our interview! Man, all those times she told me we weren't meant to go to Little Rock, and she had it on her heart, too!

Well, we won't be able to go to Little Rock just yet. It turns out that my college debt of $68,000 will be holding us back for a while. We can't have more than $10,000 in debt to be in ministry since the salary is 100% donor-supported and it would not be good stewardship if roughly $400 of that income was going toward college loan payments when it could support another missionary with FamilyLife. With all that said, I am searching for steady full-time income that will support my family, and use my income from real estate sales and Reel Tours to pay off my college debt as quickly as possible. Liv is committed to working full-time as well and applying all that toward the college debt, too. Pretty much all our extra income will go towards eradicating that debt so we can fulfill our purpose to be in marriage ministry.

We ask for your prayers in our reaching this goal, and reaching our calling to be in Little Rock with FamilyLife. If all goes according to plan, we could be there as early as 4-5 years.

Marriage: Are you doing "your part", or are you "all in"?

2010-10-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest hurdles that I see in marriages and families is probably the simplest to identify and address, but the hardest for us to face. Call it self-interest, self-preservation, selfishness, whatever, but it is when we think more about ourselves than about the needs of our own family that we start to see families drift apart.

I often hear it when people say things like the following:

Everything in our marriage is 50:50.
I do my part in our marriage.
I'm just not happy with him anymore. (Talking about her own husband.)
She makes me feel alive again! (Talking about an affair.)

I even heard from my own mother, when she left my dad for another man, say that one of the main reasons why she had left my dad was because she had feared that he had already left her for someone else. It was a preemptive affair and divorce, do it to him before he does it to me. Sadly, it was a lie that she believed and acted on.

I do love it though when people start to realize that submitting themselves to Christ is very much the way we should submit our lives to our spouses. If anyone wants the most out of his or her marriage, one has to go "all in". There is no 50:50 with God, and there has not been a 50:50 relationship between Liv and I since I learned this concept.

If I see she is washing dishes, I grab up a towel and start drying without her asking. Actually, I know now that she would rather dry than wash, so I offer to take over on washing the dishes and hand her the towel. Rather than expecting Liv to always have dinner prepared, I understand that there are days when she is tired, so I cook. There's a good chance that the Cayenne Pepper will disappear soon though. I'm learning the hard way that Liv does not like spicy food, and has threatened to put avocado in a dish the next time she cooks for me. Yikes! I hate avocado! Instead of watching a sports game or my favorite show, I choose to serve my wife even in the little things. I am still banned from doing laundry though, something about having too many pink clothes that should be white.

Unfortunately, I don't always pull this off, and there are times when I think about me more than her, but I have also begun to notice that when I give up my "self" to her needs that I not only make her happy but I often get to enjoy whatever I just sacrificed in the first place without even having to ask. The days when I want it all to be about me don't work out so well and I wind up wishing that I had done the right thing in the first place.

Thinking that marriage is 50:50 has a way of letting us stop short of what we can fully do for our spouses. We often stop once we think we've "done our share" of the relationship workload when what our spouse needs most is for us to be all in and lift her up for a little while. Maybe it's to give her a rest, or simply to spend time with her and connect again. Whatever the reason, our spouses need us to be "all in", 100%, full commitment.

Husbands, your wives don't need 50% of your efforts. Wives need, desire and deserve 100% of your love, commitment, and effort. I don't know why, but God wired women to forget how much their husbands love them, so Men, you have to keep reminding your wives that you love them. Speak it, show it, do it....well, you know what I mean. What if she doesn't show love and respect back to you? So what? You can't control your wife, never could, and never should. All you can truly control is yourself, and the best thing to do is to keep pouring love into your wife. Eventually, that love will begin to overflow and come back to you. Get it? You have to be all in, every day, for this to eventually happen. This can be hard at first, but think back to when you first started dating your wife. You were probably pitching woo left and right trying to impress her, make her laugh, smile, anything to notice you. Well, heck, why should that stop? Who said it is supposed to stop?

It's not enough to simply avoid the big D, divorce. You have to be "all in" if your marriage and family are to thrive, and for you to get the most out of that relationship experience. You have to be there emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, and intentionally. After all, when Jesus loved the Church, He was "all in". Everything He did was for God's will, and for our salvation to be with God again on a personal level. Jesus lived to build us all up. In that same way, we should be "all in" to build up our spouses and then our children.

Love and Marriage, and your commitment in both, is a choice and a privilege, not a life sentence. So, stop thinking and treating it like a life sentence, and start loving and living with your spouse and family the way you were meant to.

5 Ways to Make Your Wife Submit to You

2010-10-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

Liv and I often come across couples who struggle with the passage in Ephesians 5:22-25, submission of a wife to her husband. Men are often frustrated that their wives will not submit like the bible reads. So, just for men, I have put together 5 ways you can make your wife submit to you based on the often quoted Ephesians 5:22-33. Whip out your bibles, read along, and be prepared to change your marriage for eternity.

1. Pay attention and follow the right instructions! Men, the very first word in Ephesians 5:22 is "Wives". That means that those three sentences on submission are for the wives to read and follow. It has nothing to do with you. In fact, you should go ahead and write in your bible after that first word in verse 22 "(Husbands, skip to verse 25 of this chapter.)" The instructions for husbands starts in verse 25, and God makes it obvious by starting that paragraph with "Husbands."

2. Stop trying to make your wives submit! No where in Ephesians 5:22-33 do you find the phrase, "Husbands, demand, enforce, and expect submission from your wives." If you can find that phrase ANYWHERE in the bible, let me know, and I will mail you a dollar. I'll save you the trouble. That phrase is NO WHERE in the bible. Stop looking for it.

3. Love your wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus Christ gave up His life for His church. He not only died for it, Jesus also lived for it. Everything He did built God's kingdom on earth. Of course, we are all willing to take a bullet for our wives, but are we willing to live for our wives? Would you be willing to turn off that sports game, turn to your wife, and talk? Everything you do as a husband should be to build up your wife.

4. Love your wife as you love yourself. You'll defend your own honor, enjoy your own hobbies, make yourself happy and feel good. Do that for your wife, too. Be the man she wants and needs you to be. Don't just let her run off with her friends for girls night out. Make yourself interesting to her on her level. You want your wife to understand you? Start by understanding her first. Yes, a relationship goes both ways, but you want to be the "head" of the marriage, so you must also be willing to make the first step.

5. She is your partner, a gift from God, not an employee. Verse 31 reminds us of what God said in Genesis 2:23-25. A husband and wife are not meant to be man versus woman. There is not supposed to be a Battle of the Sexes. Instead, the two will become ONE FLESH, one body, one team. You and your wife are on the same team, and she should never be considered your enemy in anything.

I want to close with a reminder of a phrase we often use but rarely think about. We often refer to our wives as our "other half", smart men use the phrase "better half". Remove that half through divorce, neglect, or animosity and you are no longer the "whole" that God intended you to be. So, in a nutshell, men, love your wives and stop trying to make them submit to you. That is after all what God has instructed us men to do.

My 5-Year Goals/Plan

2010-10-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

What are your 5-year goals? Where do you want to be 5 years from now, spiritually, physically, professionally, financially, and family? Are those goals written down and broken down into action steps?

Here is what I have planned for myself, and I'm posting this for my own accountability, but also as an example (a model to use, but you'll need your own goals.)

The First Step: Figuring out your WHY in life. What is God calling you to do with your life? Take some time to pray, reflect, and think about this. This is what I have for me:

"I believe that God is calling me to own business systems and products that are nearly self-sustaining AND income producing with very minimal weekly effort after start up. The purpose of this is to free up time for Olivia and I to serve in marriage/family ministry, to teach our children & grandchildren a biblical way of life that break the cycle of hardship both of our families have endured for generations. Life change for our family and for others."

Now we are ready for the Second Step: WHAT are we going to do with our lives for the next 5 to 10 years. Here are my 5-year goals.

Professionally

Have 3 titles written, completed, and published (2 books and a baseball teaching video)

Ministry/Spiritual

Be a vital link in Corpus Christi for FamilyLife's "Strategy 365" campaign promoting valuable resources to married couples to build a solid, fulfilling marriage.
Have 1,000 people attending Weekend to Remember.
Have a thriving HomeTeams Ministry at Bay Area Fellowship with over 200 HomeTeams in Corpus Christi alone (not counting the Multi-Site Campuses), and having a support/communication structure in place to keep this ministry succeeding.

Physically

32" waist, washboard abs, able to do 10 pullups, weigh 160 lbs or less.
Hike entire distance of the Padre Island National Seashore, 60 miles one-way. Water, water, every where, but not a drop to drink.
Begin hiking the Appalachian Trail. Lifetime goal is to through-hike the entire thing (a 1-year trip).

Financially

Debt free (consumer debt, collections debt, everything except the mortgage...that comes later).
Complete the first 4 Baby Steps from Dave Ramsey's system: $1,000 emergency fund, debt snowball, 6 months living expenses saved up, investing 15% of income into wealth building (real estate investments & stock market).

Travel

Disney World (7-days or more) - Family
Disney Cruise (5-days or more) - Family
Train ride San Antonio to Chicago - Family
New York City - with Liv
California Coast trip - family
Carlsbad Caverns (San Antonio) - Family
Pretty much all the state parks in Texas - Me & Family if they're up for it.

Now What?

I further broke these down into milestones, working out 3-year milestones that lead to my goals, then 2-year milestones, 1-year, and 6-months. All of these milestones need to be stepping stones or completions of these 5-year goals.

After you have identified WHAT, it is time to write out the HOW. This is really where you break it down. I only went 6 months out for this one because it gets really detailed.

Since it is very detailed, here is just a couple of examples from the entire 6-month plan (based on my 6-month milestones):

FamilyLife

Attend leadership summit October 28-31, 2010 in Little Rock, AR.
Firm up the local conference team by the end of October 2010.
Kick off meeting and training for the team in November 2010.
50 Group Coordinators for Weekend to Remember. Friends inviting friends to the getaway.
500 attendees to the Corpus Christi WTR by March 18-20, 2011.
Hand out fliers at 3 public venues and La Palmera (and other stores).
Meet & build relationships with 10 key churches/pastors in Corpus Christi. FamilyLife as a year-round resource.
Attend a Weekend to Remember with Olivia for ourselves (April-July 2011).

My First Book

Write for 1 hour every day.
Type book from notes on days when there is a writer's block. This will help fill details and prepare manuscript at the same time.
Rough draft completed by end of November 2010. Proofread by 3 to 4 key people by end of December 2010.
Final manuscript ready by January 31, 2011.
Identify key publishers.
Determine start up costs and save up money for them.
Get published.

Every three to four days, I write out the top 4 priorities I must do "Today", "Tomorrow", and "The Day After That". These priorities have to be linked to my 6-month action plan.

Here is what "Today" looks like at the time I wrote this blog post:

Write book for 1 hour
Research request requirements for Guideposts (a Christian publisher)
Write October Item of Value for real estate clients (this falls under my Disney World goals. I need $2500 to take my family on a road trip to Disney World for 7 days and the money will come from a real estate closing.)
Call 2 Weekend to Remember conference team members for feedback to take to FamilyLife leadership summit.

You can learn more about how to do this by getting a copy of I Dare You to Change by Bil Cornelius and also reading The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss.

You could make a commitment to start writing out your own goals and taking a proactive role in shaping the life you want to live, or you can be like most people (including myself before I wrote out my goals) and simply draw your target, your bulls-eye, around wherever you've wound up in life and say, "Yup, that's where I meant to wind up."

For some of you reading this, it is time to stop drawing your bulls-eyes around your misfires in life and start taking real aim and action towards the targets you really want in life.

The 7-Day Media Fast

2010-09-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

Last Week, I suddenly challenged myself and my family to a 7-Day Media Fast. I was in the middle of assessing my life goals and completing Step 3 of the "I Dare You to Change Challenge" (if you do not already own a copy of I Dare You to Change by Bil Cornelius, I highly recommend you buy a copy. Click here.) I had written down as one of my challenges to begin eliminating from my life the things that get in the way of living a changed life. Time needed to be freed up in order to be a better husband, father, author, and more.

Time, where the heck am I going to find more time?

Ironically, I was logged into Facebook, Twitter, and answering e-mails (even though I set specific times to return emails). My rear end had not left my desk chair for hours. What had I really accomplished in that time? Other than evaluating some goals, most of that time had been wasted on videos and video games as well as responding to a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter. This would take away from family time as I had to work to catch up later. At that point in time, I truly felt more plugged into the world than with God, my own family, and with my own goals in life.

So, I proposed the following to Olivia, and she agreed to go for it. For 7 days as a family, we would cut ourselves off from the following:

watching television,
surfing the Web,
playing video games (computer and hand held devices included),
movies,
social media . No Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Plaxo, or blogging (on computer or on the phone),
e-mail except for work or ministry business
text messaging except for work or ministry business (certain family members were allowed)
music was allowed but only as a community enjoyment, no headsets were allowed
phone calls were allowed for work between 9am and 5pm. Calls went to voicemail on Saturday and Sunday, later all calls went to voicemail then I set a couple of times to return calls after listening to voicemails and determining priority. Most calls could be handled without a call back. Personal calls, Liv and I would confer. We had to have flexibility here because Liv's grandmother, Noelia Morales, had passed away, and we had also agreed to be references for some friends who are adopting a child. Think this can't work? I managed to make all my appointments, schedule a real estate closing and write up two offers during this time. I did not miss anything.

The family goal was to stay connected with each other rather than connected to our electronic devices.

There was no punishment if we broke this. The challenge was to fill that void with quality time spent with the people we lived with. If we weren't willing to do this on our own free will, it wasn't worth doing at all. Our kids definitely groaned on the first day and referred to the experience as "torture", more accurately, "Dad's torturing us," was what they called it. Yeah, somehow, Liv didn't get blamed for agreeing to do this. This sucked, so it must have been Dad's idea. Not fair, but oh well.

Here were some of our expected results which we saw:

I was able to work on my book for at least 1 hour each day.
I had time to go walking through my neighborhood (fitness) and get some stuff done around the house like mowing my yard.
Instead of lounging around on a Saturday, we had a family day at the museum, lunch, shopping, and more.
I finished work quickly. In fact, I was able to take Wednesday off from working and spent the entire day with Liv! In fact, Wednesday's goal was to ask Liv to go on a post-lunch walk with me, and it turned into a full day with her. I'm not trading that for anything.
I was actually achieving my goals for each day.

There were even some unexpected results that were well worth the effort. Our kids did not fight like they usually do. After a quick bicker, they agreed on a solution and resolved whatever they were about to fight over. They resolved issues on their own! We went to bed at an earlier hour, had a fuller day, and enjoyed time together as a family. We played games instead of watching tv. Our kids played with their toys, and even shared on occasion. Emma took up teaching Origami classes to us . I learned that Jacob is an A&M Aggies fan. I did not know that, but I do now. He REALLY likes them, and tried all week to bring Emma and I on board with him.

I also learned that Jacob and I have interests in doing archery, fishing, and shooting. He's not into camping, unless we get to hunt down some wildlife and shoot something at it whether it's bait, arrows, or bullets. With the tv off, we spent more time with Jacob on his homework to iron out some kinks he has had with school With no hope of watching tv, he also didn't try to rush through like usual. There was no tv to go to afterwards. I really got to spend time with my kids, playing games, reading books, riding bicycles, and I got to spend time with Liv talking and getting to know her a little better, too.

Even though this was a 7-Day personal challenge, we are talking about implementing something permanently since we had such great results with our kids that we did not expect. We are talking about no tv allowed Monday through Friday with limited computer time during the week. On the weekends, we'll allow limited tv time, limited computer time, and make time to do a family outing of some kind. I may have to keep this going just for myself as well. I was able to get stuff done! I loved it!

I will stay connected, of course, however, I do put value in taking a week or so to simply "unplug" as if it were a vacation. I would even venture to find a way to make staying unplugged a lifestyle (or limiting how often and how much I am plugged into the world through social media and television). Tim Ferriss has found a way and shares it in his book, The 4-Hour Work Week. I definitely recommend you read that.

The end result, I can enjoy life without tv.

Follow to Lead

2010-09-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

I took my son, Jacob (9), out for a little baseball practice this morning. He has developed a real wimpy throw, and I've had a hard time correcting it as have other coaches because he tends to acknowledge instruction but not DO the instruction he's been given. Jacob loves playing catcher, but can't go far in it if he doesn't strengthen that throw.

I have been fortunate to understand that baseball is not the end-all, be-all in life for my son. I do not define him, and I do not let him define himself, by what he can and cannot do on the baseball diamond. At the end of the day, baseball is just a game. For those who know me, that may be a shock for you to hear from me, but that is the truth. Baseball is just a game. We are defined by who we are in character, and God has given Jacob to me as a son to be sure he develops the right character.

Baseball has become an opportunity to bond with my son, spend time with him, and teach life lessons to him through a game platform.

Today, before I could make any headway with his throwing problem, I needed to really instill in him the importance on following instructions. There were some issues earlier this morning about not following directions at home that caused him to have to repeat tasks to correct mistakes he made the first time.

Why is following instruction so important for my son when I tell him almost daily that he'll be a leader of men? (I even whisper it into his ear every night when he goes to sleep, and remind him that I love him.)

I firmly believe that to be a great leader, you have to also be a great follower!

If I am in middle management, and my staff sees me openly disobeying my boss, I have sent a message through my behavior that it is okay to disobey authority. So, when I give instructions to my staff, completing those instructions becomes as optional as I have shown them through my disobedience to my own boss. It not only hurts the company, but it also hurts the individual careers of those in my staff. My disobedience becomes a dis-service to myself, my staff, and my company.

It is the same as a coach who does not correct a player who is disobeying instruction. It is the same as an executive officer who does not echo the commands of the commanding officer, or a wife echoing the instructions of a husband (and vice versa).

If I am a CEO, and I deviate from the vision and mission of the company, so does the entire company.

If I am a parent, and I deviate from my own rules and morales, so do my children, and their children.

If I am a Christian, and I deviate from the Bible's teachings, believers and non-believers will question what I say and do. After all, Jesus Christ, followed God the Father's instructions to a tee, never deviating from Him, and as a result Jesus led thousands (and today hundreds of millions if not billions) of people into a personal relationship with God.

So, whether we are following a boss, obeying a CEO, following rules, following the law, following a vision or mission, or following the restraints of integrity, people will follow the examples we set. Genuinely following the right things will give us the credibility for others to follow. If you want to lead, you have to be a great follower of something that is right and good. You are always leading.

This wasn't the verbatim discussion I had with Jacob, of course. In the end, he understood, and he not only listened to my instructions as a coach, but he applied what he learned. We discovered the technical issues of his throw together, and worked on some drills to correct that. Then, we put it all together into a big picture application. In the same way, I always put our baseball time into perspective of the big picture of life. So, in some ways, baseball is life for Jacob and I, but not the way many fathers think of it.

Also, just as it will take repetition to correct his throw, it will also take repetition of this lesson in everything we do so that he will understand that in order to be a leader of men he also needs to be follower of something greater than himself.

What is Your Life's Cadence?

2010-08-30T20:27:00.000-07:00


July 2003, Homecoming, Ft. Benning, GA.

People sometimes ask me what "songs" I know from my service in the US Army. The impression they have is that all I did in the Army was march around a camp singing cadences with my M-16 in my hands while other people drove around in Humvees.

I hated singing cadences when I was in the Army, especially in basic training when you were encouraged to sing louder with push-ups, sit-ups, and flutter kicks if you weren't enthusiastic enough. Shouting/singing cadence took energy, and I hated expending energy after a tiring obstacle or training event. Once in a while, I'd have a drill sergeant who disliked cadence as much as I did, and he'd simply keep us in step by counting off when we should be on our left foot, "One, Two, Three, Four," and repeat. It was a chance to rest, zone out, and let my mind wander back home. Moments like that, I'd forget that I was even in the Army.

Funny thing is that whenever I was tired, stressed, worn out, and needed an extra bit of motivation, I'd find myself singing a cadence to myself under my breath. It didn't matter where I was, whether it was during a PT Test, 100-mile march in Holland, Kosovo, treating patients in a medical emergency, or Operation Iraqi Freedom, cadence is what I'd turn to for motivation. I still catch myself singing them once in a while to get pumped up about something. There was something comforting and methodical about cadence that would remind me that there is a rhythm and purpose in even the most chaotic situations.

There were other things that were drilled into me during basic training that are still with me today. The daily drills of Army life served a purpose that I hadn't appreciated at the time. In times of stress and overwhelming odds, we have a tendency to throw knowledge out the window and revert to what seems like instinct. In the Army, completing the command "Inspection, Arms!" for multiple hours a day for 14 days seemed like pointless drill-and-ceremony torture while I was in basic training, but in combat it meant that I could change out magazines in my weapon without having to look at all the parts to make sure I was pushing and pulling the right stuff. The attention to detail on your uniform, and picking up trash every morning, paid off in combat, too. You learned the importance of knowing your surroundings, and knowing how to recognize friend from foe. Daily drills that I hated then, but appreciate now.

The same goes for our own lives. What drills and thoughts are we committing to every day? What actions, behaviors, and thought processes are we repeating to ourselves, our spouses, and our children? What "instincts" are you conditioning into your life? This is where filling our minds with God's word, spending time in prayer, and having fellowship with other Christian believers really makes a difference in our lives. While many think that Christianity is about spending a Sunday morning in church before going out for lunch, the reality is that our faith is meant to be a daily spiritual walk designed to shape our lives for spiritual combat that is happening as you read this.

What is the daily mantra, the truth, that you speak into existence in your life every day?

For me, it has been reminding myself that my wife is a gift from God, a God who loves me so much that the sacrifice of His son Jesus Christ allows me to be in a close relationship directly with Him. Arguments with my wife are resolved in the understanding that Satan is my enemy, not my wife, and that God brought Liv and I together to be one flesh with a purpose for His kingdom. When she suffers, I suffer. When she is happy, I am happy. Every day, I remind myself that I am blessed, and that Liv is every bit a part of me as I am a part of her in Christ.

Taking a break from this daily routine is not an option for me. Like my time in the Army, when a drill sergeant cut a corner and refused to call cadence, it was an opportunity for my mind to wander and forget who I was and where I was. The same happens when I break from reading the Bible or praying on a regular basis, I begin to forget who I am, who I belong to, and what my purpose is in Christ. I lose my bearing in life and wander, drift away from a blessed life, until I course correct and get back into that daily routine.

I encourage you to get into the daily habit of learning and understanding God's truth for you. Apply what you learn into your life and make the habit of prayer a part of you. That way, when life becomes overwhelmingly chaotic, you will remember who you are, whose you are, and know what to do and who to turn to for help.

Teach Your Children Your Faith

2010-08-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

I had the wild hair idea to turn off the tv today and do a Bible study with my kids. I'm glad I did because the study was age about getting to heaven by faith in Jesus and not by works!

When asked how to get to Heaven, they said through Jesus. (Yes!)

When I asked if you can get to heaven through doing good deeds, they said yes. (Uh oh.)

So, if you help a homeless person, does that get you to heaven? Yes, daddy. (Oh, boy.)

Do you think going to church can get you into heaven? Well, duh, daddy! (Oh, nooooo!)

Once I got over my initial panic, I realized this is why it's important for me to DO bible study with my kids rather than letting them see me do it, or sending them off to someone else. We finished with the understanding that there is only one way into heaven, through seminary, just kidding, through Jesus (in case you thought I forgot). Good deeds are important in showing other people God's glory. And, my kids got fired up and want to do this daily. Striving to know God's word is vital not only for my own life, but for future generations in my family as well.

Now, I'm committed to hold them to it.

Christian Kung Fu

2010-08-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 22:6 reads, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." You can also read supporting verses about fathering as a mentor in Ephesians 6:4, Genesis 18:19, and Proverbs 13:24.

Deuternomy 6:7 reads, "Impress them (the Commandments) on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

I just watched the remake of "The Karate Kid" with my family yesterday and Jackie Chan said, "Kung Fu is in everything we do." Similarly, how we teach our children in the ways of God is also in everything we do. That includes sitting at home in Bible study and developing a genuine habit and desire in our children to seek God's Word on a regular basis. This is something we should MAKE time to do. I know we are all busy in our lives, but priorities allow us to accomplish the most important stuff in life. To me, as a Christian father, that means insuring that my children grow up equipped spiritually to face the world as well as mentally and physically (Yeah, I gotta work on the physical part, too.)

Here are a few web sites I stumbled on today (after a Google search for "Child appropriate bible study") that I wanted to share with you:

Bible Study Planet - http://biblestudyplanet.com/ has studies for adults, teens, and kids.
Garden of Praise - http://gardenofpraise.com/index.htm is an index that contains studies and activities you can pick from.

I am sure that there are more out there, but here is a great, simple start for me to use, and I hope you can use them as well. We created files for our work, and will finish out the summer working on a study each day that takes up about 30 minutes of our time or less. It's a challenge to keep them focused even for that long. We opened with an activity like a crossword puzzle then completed a study/discussion together. During the school year, we will most likely just do activities and save discussions for Friday and Saturday (Sunday is already covered with our church's material).

After all, a genuine walk is a daily walk where we are constantly and persistently seeking God. I encourage you all to try this at home if you are not already doing it. What kind of priority are we setting with our children as fathers? What happens first, seeking God's word, or seeking the remote control? What kind of attitude do we show when we seek God's word, is it with enthusiasm, or a check-the-box mentality? And, remember, every moment is a teaching moment, everything in life is Christian kung fu. Everything we say and do as well as how we carry ourselves, teaches to our children.

What are some ways you mentor your children? (Seriously, I want to know, I need all the ideas I can get.)

Discipleship - the Great Commission, not the Great Suggestion

2010-07-31T06:11:00.000-07:00

The Pew Research Center conducted a study in 2007 interviewing over 30,000 Christians in the U.S. with one simple question. The question was whether you believed that your Christian faith was the only way to Heaven or if there was more than one way to Heaven, or in other words, could more than one religion lead to eternal life. Shockingly, 70% of Christians answered that they believed that there was more than one way to get to Heaven.

Here is why I was shocked.

Jesus said himself, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John 14:6)." He goes on to say in verse 7, "If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well." Romans 6:23 reads, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." We deserve eternal death, but God gave us the gift of eternal life through faith in His Son Jesus Christ.

Question: If a Christian goes on to believe that there is more than one way to enter Heaven, how does this affect the way he lives his life as a testimony for others to follow?

We are commissioned by Jesus Christ to do the following in Matthew 28:19-20:

Go (we take action, do something, not just read our Bible study books, attend church, and feel good).
Make disciples

Baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (we get new believers)
TEACHING them to obey everything commanded by Jesus

We are instructed to duplicate ourselves in 2 Timothy 2:2, "And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others."This is all the Great Commission. We are all charged to do this, however many American Christians push this responsibility on to the Pastors, Ministers, and Priests of their churches.

Question: How does your approach or intensity towards ministry shift in light of the Great Commission? Why do so many Christians view Matthew 28:19-20 as a light suggestion rather than a clear instruction from God? What can we as Christians do to change that?

It is not enough to simply gain new believers into God's kingdom. We have an obligation to teach our new believers and our current believers Biblical truth because that is what God has called us to do. For some of us who do not feel comfortable or confident in Scripture, we owe it to ourselves and to our fellow Christians to get confident and understand the Bible. This does not happen overnight. It is a process that occurs in combination of private, solo study and study among small groups in fellowship. Discipleship should be at the core of everything we do in our ministry, we need to train up our Christians in the way they should go.

Unexpected Feedback from Tango Family Initiative

2010-07-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

Liv and I had the privilege to be interviewed by the Tango Family Initiative last week on Friday. This new private, non-profit group is currently conducting research to see what they can do to support and encourage "family champions" around the country. This research will be used to shape what the initiative does.

Our names were given to Liz Swanson from a short list of 10 couples from Tim Bell, Director of FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember Getaway. The fact that of the hundreds of couples Tim knows, of all the City Ministry Directors (CMDs) for WTR, Tim thought of us for the short list of 10 couples to offer up to the Tango Family Initiative as "family champions" made us feel honored and put us in awe of what God has done for our lives.

We shared our story about why we have a passion for marriage ministry, what we do, and how we do it. Liz's questions helped us to learn more about ourselves. Her immediate observation was that we will use ANY vehicle to show people God's plan for strong, healthy marriages, whether it is FamilyLife, Bay Area Fellowship, a Web resource, the Bible, or something else. We're "scrappy" in that respect. While most folks will rally behind a single organization, Liv and I have rallied behind a single message, "God hates divorce, marriage is a commitment worth making, and we can show you resources to help you build a long-lasting, healthy marriage."

Liz also got us thinking about how many families are impacted each year by our efforts. We never really gave it much thought, and often felt like we were not doing enough. We gave a conservative answer of roughly 100 couples, but when we started putting it all together including the people who attend Weekend to Remember, serve for WTR, attend a small group at church, attend men's groups at church, and so on, that number was closer to about 250 families each year impacted by our efforts!

We were blown away by that kind of impact. God has taken two children of divorce, placed them together in a committed marriage, brought them to know His Son Jesus Christ, and through their submission and struggle to Him is using them to impact families for generations to come! I am so humbly grateful to be a part of this ride, God's ride.

A Shift in Gears for Me.

2010-07-19T10:24:00.001-07:00

Olivia and I have recently begun serving our church, Bay Area Fellowship, as Home Team (small group) Coordinators. We receive information from the church of people who need to join a small group, contact them, and place them with a small group from the church that meets their needs. These small groups meet throughout the week enjoying fellowship (hanging out) and Bible study mostly centered on diving deeper into our Pastor's message and how it applies to their lives.

Lately, there has been a need for us to really focus on our purpose as a couple serving God, and that is to strengthen marriages through Christ. For the limited time we have, that means that we need to focus our efforts into Home Teams at BAF and with the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Getaway in Corpus Christi.

I informed Shawn Albright of my timeline to exit the Core leadership of BAF Men. We had discussed my leaving but never with a timeline. Yesterday, it was decided that I would be out with everything transferred by August 31. In other words, the next batch of BAF Men cards should have a new name in my place (1000 cards), and that I would go as soon as all our current cards were given out.

I am sad to step down, but it is not my ministry to hold onto, but God's and He is calling Liv and I to Home Teams and calling me to allow new blood to come on board in my place with BAF Men. I know that the two ministries will work together in synergy.

My Boy, Jacob

2010-07-03T10:57:00.001-07:00

Liv and I had Jacob to ourselves this morning while Emma was with her Grammies for a slumber party. It was the perfect time to tell our 8-year old boy about the birds and the bees. One may think that is too early, but Jacob has already had classmates talk to him about internet porn sites. If we chose to ignore this any longer, he would receive all his lessons on love and sex from other 8-year old boys rather than from adult parents grounded in Jesus Christ who have already made mistakes of our own.

That was the easy part, and he was pretty grossed out by it saying, "That just sounds wrong!" We laughed then, of course he had to find out how many times mom and dad have done it. That's where the hard part began.

See, many people don't know this, but Liv was 2 months pregnant when we met in Germany. I am not Jacob's biological father but in my heart he has always been my son. I was there for all his ultrasounds, I named him Nerf while Liv was pregnant, and I got to hold him when he was born. I was even called "Mr. Morales" by the German doctors during Liv's pregnancy, and I got the dirtiest look from the clerk filling out his birth certificate in Germany when we said father "unknown". Jacob's "sperm donor" didn't want to be on the birth certificate, and Liv didn't want him on it either. I wanted to put my own name, but couldn't. I hadn't even proposed to Liv yet. There has never been any doubt in my heart on Jacob being my son.

Liv and I prayed before we started this "birds & bees" talk for the right, loving words to tell Jacob the whole truth about his life.

He knows about his biological dad. He knows that I loved him as a son before he was even born, just as God loves us all before we were even born. He knows that God loves us unconditionally because He chose to not because He has to, and that's the same way I love Jacob. Because I love Liv so much, I am commited to always be with her and love her to be the best husband I can be for her, therefore I will always strive to be the best father I can be for him. He also knows that God is forgiving. Liv and I both didn't save ourselves before marriage and Liv actually got pregnant before we ever met. Where most people would see this as a shameful moment in life, God took this "mistake" and made something beautiful out of it, my marriage with Liv and my son, Jacob. Because of God's love and grace for us, our mistakes can be turned into something bigger and more beautiful.

Our relationship with Jacob just got deeper and stronger because he better understands my love for him.

A Quick Update, A Book in the Works!

2010-05-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much in the last month because I've been busy, but I wanted to leave a quick update on how life's been developing for me. Liv and I are now hometeam coordinators with our church, Bay Area Fellowship, and we look forward to serving hometeams in this new capacity. We have begun work for the 2011 Corpus Christi Weekend to Remember Getaway, and the 2010 event was a success with 350 people attending, 37 people receiving Christ, and marriages were saved or strengthened.

I have had it on my heart to write a book about my experiences in Operation Iraqi Freedom since I came home in 2003, but I never had an idea on how to tell the story. It's now become obvious to me that I am to tell the story with focus on how God used a war to get my attention. Like most guys, I'm pretty stubborn and tend to try to do everything my own way. Please pray for me to write this book in a way that will reach those who need to read it, and also begin a relationship with Jesus Christ.

"Hard to Accept" Teachings

2010-04-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

Monday Morning Bible Study Notes
Study from Man in the Mirror

http://www.maninthemirror.org

We read from John 6:41-71, last week's study was John 6:16-51.

Many people have a hard time accepting that Jesus is our salvation into eternity in Heaven. We think that we can earn our way into Heaven with good deeds, and even get upset when bad things happen to good people. However, one of the toughest lessons to accept is that our salvation is free to us because Jesus paid the ultimate price for us as a perfect sacrifice allowing us to have a personal relationship with God and gain access to Heaven for an eternal life.

In our discussion, we were asked how we could apply this lesson and help others process this "hard to accept" teaching. One reply was this, "When you die and go to speak to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, What do you tell him when he asks you why should you go to heaven?" Many will name off the good deeds they accomplished in life. Others will simply say because I was a good person, or because I obeyed the Ten Commandments, or didn't break any of man's laws. How many people will answer correctly by saying, "Because I know Jesus Christ who gave His life for me, and I received His gift of salvation."

Carry Each Other's Burdens, Never Leave a Comrade Behind

2010-03-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

"When the fifth stanza of the [U.S. Army] Ranger Creed promises, 'I will never leave a fallen comrade,' it doesn't qualify the statement with 'unless it's his own fault.' The front line is never the place to ask the wounded soldier why it happened. The only thing that matters at the time is safeguarding the wounded man and getting him treated. In the church, however, we often have the tendency to point the finger at someone right away. Shouldn't soldiers in God's army be at least as willing to stick by each other when times get tough, regardless of who's at fault?

"By unearthing my own motives in this situation, I was getting a glimpse of why people who judge Christianity by the actions of its followers might sometimes find themselves turned off by believers' self-righteous, superior attitudes. It made me wince to think about it. How many souls would spend eternity apart from God because of a callous attitude or thoughtless word?

"After all, I thought, isn't it the stragglers who most need patience and understanding? Why do we Christians sometimes have a tendency to shoot our wounded?

"The answer was immediately clear to me: Because it is the easy way out. Bearing my brother's burden doubles my workload. It's easy to become resentful of the injured one...sometimes the injured one is me."

Excerpt from A More Elite Soldier by Chuck Holton, 2003. Holton was reflecting on having to carry another soldier he has fallen.

How Long Has Man Missed God?

2010-01-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

Reading Genesis 1-16 today (yes, still reading it, and it'll probably take a lot of little spurts throughout the day to get through it all).

First of all, if you have a Blackberry mobile phone, I highly recommend that you download the YouVersion app and choose a bible reading program. Somehow reading scriptures on a small screen has allowed me to focus on His word almost line by line, and I picked up on something that I never noticed before.

I used to think that man only started crying out to God. But, now, I noticed on my Blackberry Genesis 4:26. Now, Chapter 4 isn't easy to read. That's when we start getting into the "begats" that I tend to skim over. Verses 25-26 really caught my attention. I never realized that Seth was the third son of Adam who replaced Abel, but it was verse 26 that blew me away. "At that time men began to call on the name of the Lord."

Adam and Eve had a direct line to God at the very beginning but ruined it by eating the forbidden fruit, and it seems that within 2 generations Man was starved for God's presence in their lives calling out to him. Calling out to God is more than about asking for help and crying for salvation. It's also about being in His presence like a child with his or her father enjoying warmth, safety, security, and love.

Bottom line, we need God in our lives and we don't feel complete until we do. Call out to him.

Unraveling the Parable of the Sower

2010-01-04T06:15:00.000-08:00

My Monday Morning Men's Bible Group studied the Parable of the Sower from Matthew 13:18-23 this morning (also in Mark 4:14-20 and Luke 8:11-15) using Patrick Morley's study from Man in the Mirror titled "Unraveling the Parable of the Sower".

The big idea for the day is that a biblical Christian is a disciple who produces fruit. In other words, a biblical Christian is someone who hears the word of God, understands or seeks to understand the word of God, and shares that message with others. He receives the seed that landed on good soil producing 30, 60, 100 times more than what was sown.

There is the God that we want and then there is the God who is. The biblical Christian follows the God who is.

Most of us will want to hold onto our worldly lives more than God. We want Him to save our financed luxury cars which we can't afford, or save us from foreclosure because we got ourselves into an adjustable rate mortgage we can't afford, or to save our relationships that do not honor God, but somehow make us "happy".

I catch myself wanting to hold onto my earthly possessions more than holding onto God at times, and I can say that with practice AND with inviting God to change my heart from within, it is easier now for me to seek God first in all things. I recently committed to praying to God using the model of the Jabez Prayer (1 Chronicles 4:9-10), and I have seen results! I have also noticed already that I have shifted my focus from the God who is to the blessings that are in front of me. This morning I woke up and realized that my relationship with God is far more important to me than stuff. Don't get me wrong, I like the stuff. I like the idea of going to Disney World with my family, but I cannot let that take priority over my pursuit to have a relationship with God. Disney World makes for a lousy God, but a fun place to visit.

We Still Hold Hands

2009-12-11T04:11:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and noticed that Liv and I were holding hands, and I smiled. After 8 years of marriage, we still hold hands like when we were dating. I am very grateful for that.

Zig Ziglar spoke to a Corpus Christi crowd last week at a "Get Motivated" business seminar. For those who don't know, Zig had a bad fall in his home a couple of years back and one of the conditions he suffers from today is short term memory loss. His daughter now comes on stage and introduces him, letting the crowd know that he moves slowly and tends to forget that he has already said something. Her purpose on stage is to simply nudge him along when that happens.

Well, he only repeated one of his statements, and he repeated it four times. Of all the knowledge, insight, wisdom and experience Zig Ziglar possesses, his most passionate message, the one he kept repeating without realization was to court your wife every day like it is the first day that you started courting her. Let your children see you courting your wife in this way, and your children will live happy lives because they have a great example and expectation to follow. Then, he would remind us that he has been married for 63 wonderful years.

Zig's daughter even joked that if he repeats something for the third time, then there was someone in the audience who needed to hear that message. Without missing a beat, Zig pointed to a random man in the fifth row and said, "Yes, it's probably that guy in the fifth row." He was joking about that man in the fifth row, but I think his daughter hit a point like hitting a nail on the head. Of all the knowledge, insight, wisdom and experience that Zig Ziglar possesses, God has Zig speaking out on one point, one message above all the rest.

I am thankful and grateful that Liv and I still hold hands like when we first started dating more than 8 years ago. And, because of Zig's message, I don't complain when she wants to hug or cuddle. Even though I sat in the nosebleed section at that seminar, I'll be that guy in the fifth row receiving Zig's message until it is time to go home to my heavenly Father.

Learning to Pray Better, Ed Welch's Insight

2009-12-09T22:12:00.000-08:00

From Ed Welch of the Men of Bay Area Fellowship:

I have always struggled with being a good communicator which even cost me my marriage. I had always learned that communication was the key to a successful relationship and I wanted to have a better relationship with God and the people that I loved, but I wasn’t sure where to start. I knew that my only means of communicating with God was through prayer.

Praying is something I always felt I struggled with. I felt like I didn’t always know the right words to say or my prayers were too short or long, what if I wasn’t doing it correctly or what if he says no to whatever I am praying about.

So I sought out the advice of a friend on how to pray better.

He told me that prayer is how we build a relationship with God. Just like how we build a relationship with other people we love through communication.

He said, “We can learn to pray better from what Jesus taught us. Do you know the Lord’s Prayer?”

I said, “Yes, but I don’t want to say that every time.”

He said, “I know, I don’t want you to either. How does it start?”

“Our Father”, I said.

“That’s right, God is a Father, a Dad. He is not an impersonal force. He is a Dad. So God wants you to talk to him like a child should talk to his Dad.” He asked me how I wanted my son to talk to me.

“Humbly, Respectfully, Lovingly, Simply”, was my answer.

He responded with, “Jesus said, Watch children and how they interact with a loving father to know how to pray. I know you and your son love each other. Go home and learn from your son.”

So I went home and later I was working on the computer and Reilly, my son, comes running in and says, “Hey Dad, will you play Hot Wheels on the Wii with me.”

I said “Sure!!” I love my son and want to spend time with him, so I didn’t think twice about it.

I thought later, God is the same way. He loves us and wants to spend time with us. Prayer is when we get to spend time with God and he changes us and aligns our hearts with his. Just like when we spend time with our children we teach them our morals and values and how we want them to grow.

After we were done playing together, Reilly said, “Thank you Dad, I love you.” That is the best feeling in the world when your child tells you they love you. It always chokes me up and melts my heart.

It made me as a Dad realize how much God as a Father wants to hear that from us. We should be thankful and grateful that he loves us and wants to spend time with us and let him know that whenever we have the chance through prayer.

Later that night I was getting Reilly ready for bed and he said “Hey Dad, Can I have a Coke? I said, “No! No cokes before bed, babe, it has too much sugar and caffeine.”

I thought about that later and realized that sometimes when we pray to God and ask him for something he will say no as well. But he says no because he loves us and he knows better than we do what is best for us, just like we know what is best for our children.

So I had three great lessons about prayer and God in just one day from my child and I am sure I will have many more to come!

I want to encourage you to spend more time getting to know your Father, your Dad in heaven and let him know how much you love him and how grateful you are that he loves you and let him work on changing your heart through prayer.

Thank you, Ed, for sharing this with us at the "MoB at the Cross" event after the 11:30am service on Sunday, December 6th, 2009, and thank you for letting me share this experience and reflection with the world.

Having the Lord on your side vs. Having the right strategy

2009-12-09T04:04:00.000-08:00

Patrick Morley of Man in the Mirror Ministries said it best, "To have the Lord on your side is better than having the right strategy." When we find ourselves in trouble, there is a tendency to depend on our own strengths to resolve the issue then turn to the Lord when we can't go any further.

In 2 Chronicles 13, Abijah leads the army of Judah against an army twice the size of his. That other army is the rest of Israel coming to wipe Judah off the map, and they were led by Jeroboam who had taken the throne in a coup from the rightful king of Israel.

The great thing about this story is that Abijah reminds us all about the covenant God made with King David, and reminds us all that even though this other army outnumbers his 2-to-1 it isn't part of God's covenant. Immediately Abijah's army cries out to God and the battle is their's. All the glory goes to God. The moral of the story is that we need to remember God's promise to us, turn to Him first in our battles, and humbly give God the glory.

It is easy for us to believe that our own battles are not big enough to seek God for guidance, wisdom, and success, that we aren't fighting an Abijah-sized battle. However, God wants us all to turn to him for everything so that He can pour out His blessings on us. All of our battles are big enough to bring to God. (Romans 8:26, 35-39)

"Present & Willing" or "Absent & Able"?

2009-11-12T06:35:00.001-08:00

Stepping out in faith shows God that we are ready and willing to run through the sea He will part for us. You may doubt your own ability, but never doubt God’s. He is looking for the “present and willing” not the “absent and able”. What will you be for God’s will?

To Be Mentored by Paul (Man in the Mirror Study)

2009-11-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

The M.o.B. Monday Morning Men's Group is studying from Acts 20 tomorrow morning with a focus on what it means to be mentored by Apostle Paul.

God does not call on us to save the world or win a certain number of people to Christ so much as He is looking for people who are "present and willing" instead of "absent and able". He has called us to be faithful in Him and to step out on that faith to call, equip, and send forth disciples.

Do you have someone who has mentored you in your spiritual walk? Read Acts 20 and think about the ways that Paul inspired, challenged, and mentored the Ephesians.

You can also watch the study by Patrick Morley of Man in the Mirror Ministries on streaming video.

Pushing Too Hard?

2009-09-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

My son is playing baseball this Fall. He's only 8 years old playing with other 7 and 8 year old boys, and I am always amazed at how competitive many of the parents get. They scream at their kids when they make a mistake, tell them to play through the pain, and throw sportsmanship out the window for the sake of "winning".

Having played baseball since I was 7 years old myself, I have seen many boys stop playing the game not because they lost interest but because they lost the ability to play the game anymore.

The most memorable moment was learning that a 12-year old boy was scheduled to have his 2nd rotator cuff surgery while his parents pushed him to pitch in every game. His best friend, also 12-years old at the time, was seeing a physical therapist on a regular basis for a similar problem. His dad was the head coach, and even though their teams had winning little league records it came at the price of at least two shortened careers and a lot of medical bills. Why? Who was dad trying to impress?

It left me to wonder. Do we sometimes push new Christians too hard? Once someone's been saved, we send them to a small group, bible study groups, mission trips, retreats, and set standards as if we're bringing back the Law of Moses on clay tablets. People get burned out and fall away from their faith.

In many respects, I find new Christians to be like little leaguers. They need to be coached in the fundamentals of their spiritual walk. Now that they have received Christ, try to pray consistently and often, and pray every day. Get to know God's word through reading the Bible every day. Guys, the New Testament makes a great bathroom read. Come to worship every Sunday and have regular fellowship and share your testimonies with others. Without these basic elements in one's spiritual walk with Christ, it will be too easy to fall by the wayside in the busyness of ministry.

How I Came to Christ - The Short Story.

2009-09-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

My story of how I came to Christ is a 12-month journey that begins with a firefight in Iraq, to the beating of looters in Baghdad, to sitting in church services in Georgia with Olivia, and FINALLY receiving Christ on a summer afternoon at Bay Area Fellowship then getting baptized a few weeks later. Before this journey, I spoke against the Church, I spoke against the Bible as truth, and I spoke against tithing, but I was never brave enough to speak against God's existence. My journey to receive Jesus Christ as my Savior began because I saw the monster within me, and I realized that my wife and children needed a man to raise them the right way. That man was either going to be me, or someone else, and I chose that it would be me. Satan has no reign on my life and I am submitted to Christ.

Without Raising Any Objection

2009-09-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

"...when I was sent for, I came without raising any objection." Acts 10:29.

Do you ever find yourself being called on by God to do something way out of your comfort zone? Do you go for it, fear and all? Or, do you hesitate, and find ways to talk yourself out of what God has put on your heart to do?

Obedience is one element of love. As husbands, we obey our vows to our wives, we obey our commitments as fathers. With God, it is being available to Him to be used where you are right now to share the news of Jesus Christ with the people around you. The question remains, how do you respond to God when He calls on you to act? Do you go without hesitation like Peter in Acts 10, or do you cling on to your worldly comfort zone like the rich man in Matthew 19:16-30.

I am not saying that obeying God is always easy either. That's the part where we are taken out of our comfort zones. As Christians sharing the news of Jesus with the world, we are asked to do crazy things like walk on water, feed thousands of people with 7 loaves of bread and some fish, continue to teach about Jesus under threat of death, or talk with our neighbors while watering the front yard and inviting them to church.

In the context of Peter in Acts 10, the church has been dispersed after the death of Stephen (Acts 8:1-3) and the Sanhedrin is trying to kill the apostles while dragging believers to prison. One day, 2 random men show up and say come with us to see our boss. You'll like him. He's a Roman centurion. When most people would have the common sense to run, Peter goes with the men to see the centurion because he chooses to be obedient to what God had already shown him. The result of this meeting is that now God's salvation is available to anyone who will believe. It ceased to be an Israel-only thing. We would not have that kind of salvation if it weren't for Peter's willingness to go where God led him.

God can use you in a very big way as well, and probably has already put on your heart what you need to do. Take that step of faith wanting glory for no one but God, and you may be amazed by what comes of it. Go without raising any objection.

God's Chisel by the Skit Guys

2009-09-03T15:35:00.001-07:00

God doesn't make junk, and you are an original masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10 Tells us that we are God's workmanship. We are created in Christ Jesus to do good works. It's an ongoing process and this skit from the Skit Guys says it well.

Words to speak by.

2009-09-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV), "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

In the context of the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19-20, what comes out of our mouths is very important in how we communicate the Gospel to those around us. Are we spreading gossip, cussing at someone, making lewd comments about a pretty woman, or do we speak truth in a way that builds up those around us? What we say and how we say it has a lot of impact on those who hear us speak.

In a self-centric society, where it is important for each of to have a voice AND use it to speak our minds, this verse advises us to use our voices responsibly. Speak "only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs."

This does not mean tell people what they want to hear. Let your yes be yes and your no be no, but speak it in a loving and uplifting manner. Your words of encouragement can be a work of service for the Lord.

Do You Need to be Qualified to do Great Things For God?

2009-09-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

Many men fall for the lie that if we are filled with struggles, problems, or just not perfect that we are not qualified for God's work. The misconception is that we must be strong. The truth is that we are all jacked up (Romans 3:23), but God has a purpose for us all (Romans 8:28).

Let's take a look at Gideon, Israel's unlikely hero in Judges 6-7. Gideon was the least in his family which was the weakest clan of the smallest tribe of Israel. God called on Gideon to lead 32,000 fighting men against the Midianite army which was so vast that it was impossible to count.

Gideon's initial reaction to God's calling wasn't exactly stellar. He discredits himself, and even thinks God is playing a trick on him and asks three times for God to show a sign that He's serious. God has to reassure Gideon that he's not going to die, and when God instructs Gideon to tear down his father's alter to Baal, he's so afraid of his father that he tears down the alter at night so no one will see him do it.

It's easy to get a good laugh at Gideon, but here is the cool thing. He tore down the alter despite his fears. He took charge of the army of 32,000 even though they were greatly outnumbered. THEN, God said to Gideon, you have too many men, so send the scaredy-cats home. Okay. Then, God said, still too many, go take the remaining 10,000 to get a drink of water. Okay. Gideon, see the 300 men smart enough to drink water out of their hands and keep a look out for the enemy? Keep them and send the rest home. Okay. Now, your 300 men are going to take on the vast army of Midian with trumpets, torches and clay jars. You got it, Lord!

I often wonder what the reaction looked like of the 31,700 fighting men who got to go home thinking they just saw Gideon march off to a suicide mission. The relief turned into surprise. The jokes and mockery turned into admiration for God's glory.

God is actually looking for men who have weakness written all over them. His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Our ministry often comes from our own failures and weaknesses from the former drug addict who helps people fight addiction to the former homeless man who now helps hundreds of people find shelter, food, and work. We get our strength from God (Philippians 4:13, Zechariah 4:6), and all God wants is a weak man who will have an obedient heart like Gideon. It was Gideon's eventual faith that allowed God to work a miracle through him. God can and will do the same with you if you will just be humbly obedient to Him, and have faith.

Our Relationship With Money

2009-08-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Our men's group this morning discussed Luke 18:18-30 in regards to our relationship with money, and it turned out to be a rema word discussion tying into the Release series at Bay Area Fellowship.

What does Jesus really ask the rich man to give up in order to have treaure in heaven? What does Jesus ask any of us to release to Him? The answer is anything that keeps us from loving God first, more than anything else.

The rich man loved the wealth he amassed so much that he would rather hold on to that wealth than to be in God's kingdom forever. In Luke 17:33, Jesus says to us that whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. The rich man in Luke 18:18-30 is a tragic parable of a man who seemed to have it all. Jesus points out that this man of stature, although was a good man and lived according to the Ten Commandments, lacked one thing. He did not love God more than all his worldly stuff. Because of that, he was not able to receive the blessings that God had in store for him.

Many of us are owned by our worldly "stuff". We cling to our worries that there won't be enough. We pursue wealth with great fervor, or maybe it's a special car, a vacation, or some other obsession or a sinful pleasure. Would we be willing to give it up for God's kingdom?

I'm not saying that God wants us to be broke and poor. No, Jesus tells us throughout the New Testament to take care of the sick, the poor, the widows and orphans. We do that from an overflow of abundance that God provides us. I'm also not saying that we should live Spartan lifestyles either, because King Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 "when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work - this is a gift of God."

What's my point? Love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And, the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. ALL the law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40, Deuteronomy 6:5)

Be willing to let go of everything to grasp onto His love for you. When our time on this earth is over, we can't take our 401k with us or that mint condition Mark McGwire Olympic baseball card, but we can find ourselves in an eternity in God's presence.

In the Beginning

2009-08-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sat with me a couple months back for an impromtu bible study. Before we opened to the Book of John, he said to me, "First, let's reflect on the first 5 words of the Bible."

I turned to Genesis 1:1 of the NIV and read, "In the beginning, God created..." We paused for a few seconds to reflect on those five words, then read John 2:1-11, the story of how Jesus turned water into wine. The impact on me was fantastic. This was no longer a neat story about turning water into wine. It made sense to me that in the beginning God created a way for us to have a close relationship with Him.

I began applying this reflection to all the times I read scripture. "In the beginning, God created..." Whenever I read the Bible in that frame of mind, I see His will a little more clearly than before.

I recommend you try it, too. I know the King James Version starts the same way, and other translations may vary slightly, but begin your reading of scripture with a reflection that in the beginning God created whatever it is you are about to read.

Verses to Serve By...

2009-08-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

“Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28

“Therefore, GO and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

“…look after orphans and widows in their distress AND to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

“Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself if it is not accompanied by action is dead…Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” James 2:15-17, 18b

Where Does Jesus Live?

2009-08-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

Does Jesus live in the ceremonies of the church or through the people who believe in Him?

What makes a church sacred?

My church recently spoke on the subject of what it means to give cheerfully as it says in 2 Corinthians 9:7. In the days of the Old Testament, the Feast of Weeks opened with an offering of first fruits (Numbers 28:26). This was done in a setting of celebration, so likewise, Bay Area Fellowship introduced offering in a setting of celebration. Click here for the video. I am confident that hundreds of people for the first time understood what it meant to cheerfully give.

Someone thought this was "sacrilege" and that Jesus would not have approved. And, for that, I have only this to respond with, what makes a church sacred? Does Jesus live in the ceremonies performed on any given Sunday, or does He live through the people who believe in Him?

After five years of attending my church, I have seen it reach the lost by teaching the Gospel in a way that the lost understand. I have seen the people of this "sacrilegious" church give to the poor, baptize in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, bring THOUSANDS of people to know Christ, rebuild churches, feed the hungry, help widows and orphans, and so much more.

It's not the building that makes a church Holy and sacred ground. It is the heart of the people IN the church body that make a church Holy and sacred ground. I am 215 lbs of sovereign territory of the Kingdom of God. Wherever I go, I hope and pray to be used as light and salt for His will. The same goes for all of you (give or take, some of you don't weigh what I do.)

Time with Dad

2009-07-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today was Day 1 of my home workout plan to get back into shape. The great and unexpected thing about today is that when I shared with my wife that I would be doing this my son, Jacob, jumped up and asked (begged) to work out with me on my first day. He'll be turning 8 years old in August.

I haven't worked out seriously since I left the US Army in 2003. Part of why I left the Army was that I hated waking up at 5am to run before the sun came up and my family's income was at stake if I didn't. I've gotten out of shape since then adding about 65 lbs since leaving the Army. My body is starting to feel it! So, recently, I decided to pull up a reasonable home workout plan and have my family hold me accountable.

We were halfway through our 5-minute warm up lap around the block. I am gasping for air. My shins are tighter than an over-wound clock spring ready to snap, my whole body is screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US!?" I look to my smiling son and I ask him how he's doing.

"Great, Dad! This speed is perfect." At that moment, I realized that my son was following my lead. He was going to match my speed no matter what, although at the moment we were barely going slow. My son was with me in my presence and happy. As we rounded the final corner, he said to me, "Dad, I really enjoy that we're spending time together. Can we do this every day?" While my heart almost burst out of my chest at the thought of jogging every day, I was happy to hear him say that to me.

Over the next hour, we did push ups (from my knees...sad, I know), tricep dips, squats, calf raises, modified chin ups, and bicep curls (without weights). We stayed hydrated, and just cleaned up and had breakfast together. Also, during that hour, we encouraged each other. We praised each other, pushed each other to meet our goals. Jacob asked me about my life in the Army, about my days as a high school football player. Jacob wanted to get to know me. He didn't ask for any gifts, he didn't ask for me to change the world. He was simply happy to be with me and get to know his dad better. It didn't matter to him that if we were in a gym, EVERYONE would be laughing at me. He was with his father.

This, of course, made me think about my relationship with my Father in heaven. Yesterday, Pastor Bil talked about the need to simply make the time EVERY DAY to get to know God in His word and through prayer. In light of my workout with Jacob this morning, I realize that, "anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Mark 10:15 NIV) To get to know God on a daily basis, we need to look up to Him as a son looks up to his father. We need to be happy just to be with him.

Other Biblical lessons I picked up on today:

Teach my children in the way they should go. (Proverbs 22:6) The best teaching for a child is by example. I can tell my son to go outside and play, be more active, but he really won't until he sees me active rather than always watching TV or playing on the computer. As a father, I have a responsibility to SHOW my children the way they should go.
Praise your son. (Matthew 3:17) All thoughout our workout, I could see Jacob smile ear-to-ear as he completed a set, I grabbed his hand to lift him up and simply say, "Good job! You did it." He never faltered through the enter workout.

My Dad, My Hero.

2009-06-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

My grandfather, Clarence Dugan, passed away on June 16, 2009 in California at 6:16am Pacific Standard Time. He had suffered from a stroke a couple weeks ago, and was in hospice care receiving pain management until he passed away. He was a good man who lived a full life.

This Father's Day, my dad has spent his time preparing to bury his own father, and I can't help but think how wonderfully blessed I am to have Bruce W. Dugan as my father.

I always thought of my dad as a great man, my hero. He could do math with lightening speed, and his hands were always a blur when he shuffled a deck of cards to play Solitaire. I learned a lot from my dad while growing up, especially after my parents divorced in 1987.

Sacrificial love - When my parents divorced, he never spoke poorly about my mom who had left us. He always praised her, and lifted her up. He loved her still and was always willing to help her if she ever needed it. My dad once gave me the last $25 in his pocket so that I could sign up for high school football. Then, he worked a job that weekend so I could have food with my meals. I learned about this from my brother later that week, and my dad never let me pay him back and wouldn't let me quit football. He said he needed me to live a good & normal life, and he'd gladly do it again if it would keep me off the streets and active in school.

He is the kind of man who will give someone the shirt off his back if they needed it, especially for his own sons. He would do this whether or not we said thank you. He would love even if the other person didn't love him back. My dad was an example of Jesus's sacrificial love before I ever really knew Jesus! When I think of Jesus on the cross, I think of my dad giving me everything he's got to see me live.

Work ethic - He works hard, and he works to get it right the first time. My dad never finishes a job that he can't put his name to.

Respect for others - I remember the most powerful talk he had with me was about sex just before I started high school. This would normally be an awkward talk, but my dad gave me the talk from a respect point of view. His point was simple, people will respect you more if you are the kind of guy who is loyal and does not sleep around with a lot of girls. One of his few directives were never to shame a girl by telling all your friends in school that you slept with her. He never shamed anyone in public.

Loyalty - He was always there for us. He was always true to my mom. He wasn't the kind of guy who jumped from job-to-job. I can only imagine the pain he went through while raising us the best he could. He hardly ever showed it.

Genuine character - My dad never knew how to put on a face if he tried. He is a genuinely caring, open-minded, giving person. The real deal.

My dad is my hero. He has shaped my character, provided for me in tough times, and loves my family with the pride of a father. I thank God for my dad!

5 Inheritances We Receive in Heaven, Brian Crown Sermon

2009-06-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

This was a sermon written by the late Pastor Brian Crown of Bay Area Fellowship. It was read by Senior Pastor Bil Cornelius at Pastor Brian's funeral on June 16, 2009.

The Five Inheritances We Receive In Heaven:

1. We get to be with God forever. 1 Thessalonians 5:9-10

2. We will be completely changed to be like Christ. 1 John 3:2

3. We will be freed from all death, pain, and suffering. Revelation 21:25

4. We will each be assigned a position of service in Heaven. Matthew 25:14-30

5. We get to share in Christ's glory. Romans 8:17

Pastor Bil had found this sermon in the notes and sermons of Pastor Brian after he had passed away. It had been written for a funeral, but there was no name at the top. In a way, it was as if Pastor Brian had written it for himself without knowing it, and his family got to hear him speak one last time at his funeral through Pastor Bil's message.

God's Love Can

2009-06-15T04:13:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night, I was watching tv with some of the guys and we came across a sports talk show that featured Deion Sanders. The topic was about player loyalty to a team versus fan loyalty to a player, or lack thereof when that player left to another team.

Deion Sanders, who undoubtedly was a very talented football and baseball player, made a comment at the end of the talk after describing all the times he was booed by what used to be his home crowd. He said honestly and almost somberly, "I can't love anything that doesn't love me back."

Immediately it got me thinking, well I know someone who can love someone who doesn't love Him back, God can.

When Jesus gave us the Sermon on the Mount, He said to love your enemies. Even the Pagans can love only the people who love them back, but as God's people we can demonstrate to others the kind of love that God has for us. (Matthew 5: 43-48).

Jesus did not give us any instruction that He was not willing to live out himself. As He went to the cross, He forgave us while people sneered and soldiers mocked. He also interceded on our behalf before He died and said to the Father, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Then, out of love, He gave His life for us, even those who hated Him. (Luke 23:34-36).

There is the well-known and highly quoted scripture of John 3:16, "For God so loved..." Loved! After generations, thousands of years, of a chosen people that repeatedly failed to love God back, He sent His son, Jesus, to preach the gospel of His kingdom, then ultimately die for our sins so that we may gain access to Him once again. This kind of access had been lost to us since the fall of man.

Galatians 5:14 sums it up perfectly, "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

When Planting Yields No Fruit

2009-06-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

June 12, 2003 By Os Hillman (from the online daily devotional http://todaygodisfirst.com)

You have planted much, but have harvested little.... - Haggai 1:6

Have you ever worked and worked only to yield very little from your efforts? Such was the case for the workplace believers during the time of the prophet Haggai. Finally, God spoke through the prophet Haggai to inform the people why their efforts were not yielding any fruit. There was a specific reason this was happening.

"You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the Lord Almighty. "Because of My house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands" (Haggai 1:9-11).

God had finally had enough. His priorities were not His people's priorities. So, He withheld in order to get their attention. Zerubbabel was governor of Judah at the time. He was a godly man who sought to do God's will. He listened as the prophet gave these words; then he responded.

Then Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the whole remnant of the people obeyed the voice of the Lord their God and the message of the prophet Haggai, because the Lord their God had sent him. And the people feared the Lord (Haggai 1:12).

Sometimes God has to stir up the spirit of one man to initiate needed change. Zerubbabel was that man. Scriptures say, "The Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel" (Hag. 1:14). God is stirring up the spirit of a remnant of workplace believers throughout the world today. They are seeing what breaks God's heart, and they're responding. Has God placed the spirit of Zerubbabel in you? Are you one who will make a difference for the Kingdom, or are you concerned about building bigger and better barns? The Lord is calling forth His people in these last days to make a difference. Ask Him what He wants to do through you.

The MoB Connection - June 3, 2009

2009-06-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

Great news from Imagine Fellowship in San Antonio! Imagine Fellowship, led by our own Kevin Joyce, was recently mentioned in an article about social media in use by churches in the U.S. and the world. Check out the article from June 2, 2009.

No Stone Left Unturned We are almost finished with the Prayer Garden and it is looking great! Let’s all pull together and see this project to completion! Want to see the progress we’ve made, click here…

Gathering at the Cross The Gathering at the Cross is a time for us to come together as men to pray over our church, saving the lost, and our ministry to be a shining light for the men in this world to follow. Stop by for a 5-10 minute Gathering in between this weekend’s services.

· Saturday, between the 5:00pm and 6:30pm services

· Sunday, after the 10am service

· Sunday, after the 11:30am service

A Real Mob Boss is Coming to Bay Area Fellowship! We couldn’t have a MoB Newsletter without mention of a former Mafia Prince coming to BAF. Michael Franzese is coming to Bay Area Fellowship on June 5 & 6 to share his story with us. Wear your MoB shirts if you got ‘em! You can also get an introduction into Franzese’s life by watching this video on YouTube, or visiting his website at http://www.michaelfranzese.com.

MoB Reading List If you liked Pastor Bil’s message last weekend, you can read the book that inspired the sermon. Honor’s Reward: How to Attract God's Favor and Blessing by John Bevere is available on the following websites:

Amazon.com
BarnesandNoble.com
FamilyChristian.com

Check local stores for sales, and great prices. It’s also good to support our local economy when we can.

Opportunities for servant leadership:

Operation Prayer Garden Is Almost Finished (click here) Volunteers are needed and will meet in front of BAF at the cross every Saturday from 8am to 12pm to complete this project, and you can be part of this legacy. This is also a great teaching opportunity for dads to work alongside their sons. For more information, you can call Jeff at 361-510-6896. (Bring work gloves, knee pads, and a desire to serve God’s people.)
Need someone who can hang door frames for a widow. If you can help email gbrandonc@gmail.com. She has 3 door frames to hang.

Operation Prayer Garden...An Update

2009-06-02T11:03:00.000-07:00

This is definitely a Big Hairy Audacious Goal, and I commend Jeff Powell for his heart and obedience to get this project off the ground. I truly appreciate the BAF leadership for giving Jeff the okay to do this project, and thank you to the MoB, Janes, Hometeams, and Element for backing him on this proejct. Talk about making a huge leap of faith for something God has put on his heart! Over 5,000 people pass this Prayer Garden every weekend, and that number grows each week as we reach out to "Save the Humans".

The volunteers who have come out have been amazing to work with. Not all of the volunteers are from BAF! Some have even brought their families out and made a family event out of it. Some are new believers, and others haven't yet received Christ! This project is just screaming divine appointments.

For me personally I would love to see us as a ministry really give our best service and effort to the vision that God has put on Jeff's heart, and I can't wait to see the look on Jeff's face when this is over because it will be the face of a man who has been touched by God. Jeff will see what God can do through His people, and I really want to be there when Jeff realizes that.

This is a God-opportunity on many levels. It's a chance to show people what men grounded in Christ can do through service and sacrifice. It's a chance to show our children it's okay to work and not ask "What's in it for me?". There is a man in my Monday morning group using this as an opportunity to minister to another man who needs Christ in a bad way.

I go out there every Sunday and talk with families that come out to appreciate the work that has been done so far, and they are amazed at what a group of volunteers has accomplished. My thought is if people are impressed now with the progress we've made, what if we finished in the next 2 weeks with 20-30 people, families, friends, co-workers, hometeam members, and neighbors, led by men of Christ?

The Men of Bay Area Fellowship (The MoB) is more than a small group of men who come up with a hair-brained scheme and shout orders out to 250 men via email. We have an opportunity to be a shining light to the men of Corpus Christi, and the future men as well (our sons), and what we bring as a ministry are opportunities to be that shining light through works of service, through men's bible groups, and through our social media outlets.

I'm bringing my family this Saturday (and maybe the next one), and my kids are old enough to stay by my side and work with me one brick at a time.

God's Promises: His plans in His time

2009-06-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I was part of a group of men who discussed "Bible Time" from Patrick Morley's One-Year Bible Story (http://www.maninthemirror.org).

I have a friend who signs off all his e-mails with the phrase "In His Time," a phrase that I have used and heard used with missing a deadline or having a failed project. So, after a few weeks of reading, "In His Time," on my friend's e-mails, I began to think to myself, "Wow! He must miss a lot of deadlines!"

Have you ever felt that God put something on your heart, a dream, a promise, but you haven't seen it come to pass? How has that affected your faith an trust in God?

God had promised Abraham that He would make Abraham the father of a great nation, and bless him. That promise was fulfilled, but not in Abraham's time. The course of this promise follows Abraham, Isaac, and then Jacob (who becomes Israel). Israel goes on to have 12 sons, THEN 430 years later a great mob of people flee into the desert for 40 years before finally capturing the Promised Land. It was fulfilled in God's time.

The point is that God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. Commit to the Lord all that you do and your plans will succeed...according to His plan and in His time.

With this in mind, I am able to see the phrase "In His Time" with a whole new light. It's not a catchy phrase to be used to make myself feel better about a failed objective. "In His Time" reminds me that He is the one in charge. God is the dream giver and He has put something on all our hearts. In our obedience to Him, we are to go after that dream, commit all that we do to God, and your work will succeed in His time according to His plan for us all.

Scriptures: Genesis 13:14-17, Exodus 12:40-13:14, Proverbs 16:1-5, Psalm 90:4, and 2 Peter 3:8-10.

The Men of Bay Area Fellowship has multiple groups that meet throughout the week to share their lives, insights, and delve into the word of God as it pertains to men and how we are called to lead for Christ. I lead the Monday morning group that meets at the Taqueria Jalisco on 5338 Kostoryz (between SPID and Tiger Lane).

Real Christian Fellowship

2009-05-29T22:11:00.002-07:00

From The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren...Real fellowship is so much more than just showing up a church services. It is experiencing life together. It includes unselfish loving, honest sharing, practical serving, sacrificial giving, sympathetic comforting, and all the other "one another" commands found in the New Testament...You can worship in a crowd, but you can't fellowship with one.

Jesus ministered in the context of a small group of disciples.

"Each one of you is part of the body of Christ and you were chosen to live together in peace." Colossians 3:15

Husbands, love your wives, love your wives, love your wives...

2009-05-29T22:11:00.001-07:00

Last night, Liv and I were asked by family what the bible says about a woman's role in marriage. It was an attempt get my wife to openly confirm that wives are to submit to their husbands, but we immediately followed with what the bible calls husbands to do for their wives offsetting the trap. We felt it to be a good idea to share these points with you.

The scripture that Liv referred to was in Ephesians 5:22-33 (12 verses altogether). It’s the famous “wives submit to your husbands verse”.

Most guys only focus on the first 3 verses of this section, the part that says wives should submit to their husbands in everything. We tend to ignore the fact that God needs NINE verses for the men to get it right.

In those 9 verses, husbands are to (1) love our wives the way Christ loved the church by giving up ourselves to our wives referring to the giving up our selfish desires to meet the needs of our wives. (2) We are to make our wives holy through praise, encouragement, and instruction. (3) We are to love our wives as our own bodies, feeding and caring for them both spiritually and physically, and (4) we are to be united in love as one flesh where words like “I”, “mine”, “my” and “me” get replaced with “us”, “we”, and “our”. A husband and wife are a team that works together. The husband has the responsibility leading the family, but he’s not to rule like a dictator.

This section ends with a reminder to wives to respect their husbands.

Among those 9 verses for men, “love” is mentioned 3 times, how to love as Christ loved the Church (sacrificially), love as a man loves his own body (nourishment), and love as a man loves himself (emotionally, spiritually). Whew! Amen!

Proverbs 31 Man

2009-05-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

We have heard the phrase "Proverbs 31 Woman" or "The Wife of Nobel Character", and many of our wives have probably attended a bible study on the subject.

Ever notice the husband in Proverbs 31:10-31? He is mentioned 3 times.

Verse 11, He has full confidence in his wife and sees great value in her.
Verse 23, He is someone who can be respected. He brings honor to her, and makes her holy (see also Ephesians 5:25-33).
Verse 28, He showers his wife with praises!

Will you be the Proverbs 31 Man for your wife?

I finally have a blog!

2009-05-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

For years, my friends have been suggesting that I start up a blog, and ironically I resisted. I embraced Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, and Plaxo, but resisted sharing my thoughts on a blog...even though I've been posting on Facebook and on www.Godmademen.com for a little over a year.

I plan to focus mostly on spiritual insights as it pertains to becoming a man after God's own heart, and post great articles from other sources on spiritual manhood. Most of these entries will be pulled into www.Godmademen.com and my Facebook page.

I hope you like what you read here and that it makes an impact on your life.

God bless.