The Sex Talk, Why You Need to Have it, and How (Part 2 of 3)

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Passport 2 Purity (Part 2)

I talked about why it was important for me to complete Passport 2 Purity with my son in Part 1 of this series. Here is a description of the program itself, and how I modified it for our needs.

Passport 2 Purity is a 3-day planned program for parents to have five deep-level conversations about the following:

• Traps teenagers face in middle school,
• The impact of peer pressures both positive and negative,
• Changes in his body, puberty,
• Sex and setting boundaries,
• Dating

I greatly appreciated that P2P gave me a plan on how to have that conversation with my son BEFORE something happened. We spent a lot of time talking about myths and realities about sex, positive and negative peer pressure, and how to be the positive influence. 

This was not a sunshine and roses kind of talk. I had to draw up very specific scenarios from my past, and solicit from him any examples he may be able to relate to what we were sharing. It was important to keep this a 2-way conversation the entire weekend.

This was a time for me to be real with Jacob.

I shared my first experience, and he understood why his parents were making such a big deal about this relationship. That first experience was placed in the context of P2P, how it was driven by the lie that you were a man when you had sex with a girl, how many of the people who brag about sex probably didn't even have it, and how girls are misled to believe their worth is determined by how a boy notices them. 

We talked about sex, erogenous zones, and arousal. I have to admit that the more embarrassed he got the more I laid it out there. He can really change colors. I never saw a deeper shade of red in a person's face before.

The finale to the program includes a pledge to not date until one considers marriage. We reviewed it, but I knew that pledge was going out the window the moment we had him sign it. He was determined to have this girlfriend with or without our blessing.

When asked which conversation had the most impact with him, Jacob said it was the talk about peer pressure. It was good for him to know that he didn't have to live up to it, that he could come to me to talk about it, and that a lot of it comes from guys trying to impress other guys.

My main goal for the weekend was to let him know what he faced, have him tell me in his own words what his intentions were, and discuss clear boundaries. This was a very practical conversation. I added some what if scenarios, and had him voice his own boundaries. It was clear after that weekend that his intentions were still very innocent, but it was important that he have those boundaries anyway.

Read Part 3. Available on Dec. 12.

RELATED POSTS AND LINKS

• Strength Revisited download
• Four Tips for Dads of Teens
• FTQA Episode 27 - How Do You Stay Connected With Your Teen?
• FTQA Episode 24- A Father-Son Chat, School Sports, Favorite TV Shows, Strength Revisited
• FTQA Episode 21 - Open Communication, Golden Rule and Platinum Rule
• FTQA Episode 20 - Double Standards, Teen Dating, and Ironing with Sprite
• Passport 2 Purity by FamilyLife Ministries. I’d recommend 6th or 7th Grade for this weekend-long conversation to happen. Refill journals.
• The Sex-Wise Parent - This is next on my reading list, but it was recommended as a great book that gives age-appropriate advice on how to talk with your children about sex.
• LoveIsRespect.org - Here’s a great website to use as a tool to discuss healthy and unhealthy relationships.
• Let’s Talk About Sex (DVD) about sex education in the United States. I firmly believe that sex education is the responsibility of a child’s parents, it must be comprehensive, and it must be done repeatedly throughout one’s life in age-appropriate levels.