Character Trumped Baseball Trophies

Spring 2012

What a day for my son today! This evening, he was in a championship game for his Little League baseball team. He caught a great game, and although he went 0-for-3 at the plate, two of his outs were hard line drives that put fear into the hearts of the boys who caught them. Defensively, he threw out a runner trying to steal 3rd base, and made a number of plays that prevented the other team from scoring more runs than they did.

As cool as it was to watch my son collect his tournament trophy for second place, it was nothing compared to another award he won earlier today.

Jacob was awarded "Mariner Spirit Award of the Year" from his school. It's based on recommendations from the teachers who interact with his class. I found pride in listening to his teacher read the award citation as it described him as "loyal", "always looking out for the needs of his classmates", "positive attitude", "encouraging to others", and more. Liv and I already knew this about Jacob, but it was such a great feeling to hear other people say it about him. This is what people see in my son when I am not around to correct him! My boy is "loyal", he'll make a great husband and father someday! I'll admit it, I got teary-eyed in front of all the other parents. I ran over and hugged him.

Wins and losses are simply a part of life, but what will help him overcome those losses in life will be his character. In fact, his character will be what helps him develop strong and healthy relationships in the future, and see more and more wins as life goes on. I would definitely say that Character Awards trump baseball trophies any day.

What are your thoughts? What character traits (or vision) are you developing in your own children? Comment below.

Healthy Finances and Healthy Marriages Go Together

I have a friend from a men's bible study who struggles with money in his marriage. It has been the same story for the past four years that I have known him. He works two jobs, and over 80 hours a week while his wife makes the same "mistakes". What is clear to me with this couple is they are NOT on the same page when it comes to their finances.

All you need is love, right? If you didn't have physical needs like food, shelter, and clothing, then yes, I would say all you need is love. Money is unfortunately the #1 reason why married couples fight and argue. Nothing can drive a deep wedge into a marriage relationship than money issues. Not having enough of it, mismanaging what you do have, or getting slammed with a catastrophic hit like a trip to the emergency room can add stress.

What does a couple do when they are faced with these moments is crucial? The behavior patterns that a couple exercises will determine their relationship health overall. Do they work together to find a solution, or does a blame game commence with one person taking total control of the finances or equally worse both sides never work out any real changes and continue to selfishly spend themselves into oblivion. In one case, you have an abusive shift in the power dynamic of the relationship, in the other you have a complete avoidance of really getting to the heart of the issue.

If you're married, you will be faced with conflict, even over money at some point. I recommend that you learn about having healthy financial knowledge and practices. Olivia and I invested the time to attend a Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey where we applied learned rules to marriage and money such as we don't make purchases larger than $300 without agreeing on it together first (our rule is closer to $60-$100) and having an emergency fund that is untouchable except for real emergencies.

There are even small group bible studies available on this subject such as FamilyLife's Homebuilder lesson titled "Mastering Money in Your Marriage". I do recommend that you invest time IN your marriage by attending a Weekend to Remember.

I think you need to invest time in mastering your finances before you need to learning how to master your finances. In my friend's situation, he is caught up in a cycle that will be hard to break. They are so mired in debt that he has to work two jobs, but this is time that he needs to spend with his wife to stay on the same page in their finances and in their family and marriage in general. He's gone all the time, so how can he communicate with her in the short time they have together? How can he show his love for her when he's sleeping in his car in the driveway because he's too tired to get into the house? I don't want this to become you, so take the time to learn to master your money in your marriage before it masters you.

Husbands, Lead, Dang It! ..."Follow" and "Get Out of the Way" Are Not Options

John 13:5

"...but I could never convince my husband to attend one of these." This is the most common response I hear women give when Olivia and I  promote A Weekend to Remember marriage getaway by FamilyLife. What amazes me is the consistency in that response from the women who say it, the dejected tone of disappointment, her head and eyes looking to the floor, and the slow walk-away. That body language and tone of voice desperately screams of sadness. For all the goodness in her husband, there is great disappointment knowing that he won't spiritually lead her, and she can't convince him to do it (Proverbs 27:17).

Sometimes, a husband will proudly talk about how good he is to his to his wife by feeding me a list of reasons, excuses, and accomplishments to justify his not taking his wife to a marriage getaway/conference. Why do I need to be convinced of how good a husband someone is? I want to yell at these men, "Don't waste your time trying to convince me that you love your wife! Use that time and energy convincing HER that you love your wife!

"Selfish, prideful, childish men! You serve yourselves MORE than you serve your wives, then act surprised when one of you winds up in an affair, or someone declares a desire for a divorce. Your car looks and runs great because of the time you put into it. Your body is healthy because of the time you spend exercising. Your fishing skills, and ability to build a fantasy football team are the stuff of legends, but your marriage looks horrendous and is filled with frustration and pain because little to no time is invested in the relationship with your spouse and you serve yourselves rather than lead your wives through serving them! Instead of pursuing toys, hobbies, and money, set aside the materialism and pursue your wives!" Yes, I was still yelling at these men.

Think about it. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, had EVERY right to have people bow down to Him, however He would take the time to wash the feet of His own servants (John 13:5). He instructed His disciples that to be the greatest, one needed to first become the servant (Mark 10:43). You want to be a GREAT husband to your wife, then consider becoming her servant and actually love her the way Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-31). Men, your wives need you to lead them spiritually by serving their spiritual needs with urgency and priority. Choose to serve her desire to attend A Weekend to Remember, for example, instead of going on that fishing trip. Can't afford the cost to attend? Look at what you're spending your money on, and move your money around in a way that shows the priority you place on your marriage over a hobby or gadget.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way!

(Husbands, leading the way Christ led is the only right option.)

Getting My Family Back Before They're Gone

Time is flying by too quickly. My kids are growing up, my body is getting sore at times, and they gray hair population on my head is increasing. A little over a month ago, Liv and I were talking and realized that we were spending a lot of time with our new gadgets, laptops, Xbox, touchscreen phones, computer, and all the apps that come with them. We said in that conversation that we did not want to become one of those families with their heads buried in electronics rather than buried in relationship with each other.

The solution, a monthly media fast!

We've done something like this before...
Media fasts are no stranger in our family. In fact, we do one about every year for the past three whole years! Okay, that's not much, but it's more than most families. Our first one was in late-2010 when our pastor, Bil Cornelius, published his book I Dare You to Change. The fast lasted a week while I reconnected with my family, considered God's plan for my life, my gifts and talents, and decided on next steps. The experience was amazing as we played board games, charades, took drives, and had conversations. The last one didn't last as long, but we committed to reconnect in the same fashion in 2011. Every week-long media fast was like a vacation to us, without the stresses of travel and all the benefits of spending time with family, quality time.


What does a media fast look like for us?
For the first weekend of the month from Friday after school to Monday morning, we shut off all electronic entertainment. No television, no radio/CD/Pandora, no DVDs, no going to the movies, no cell phone entertainment, no social media, no computer, no Internet. There are some exceptions. We can use our cell phones to talk with family, for business/work, and emergencies. Texting is limited to those categories as well.

The whole point is that we focus on each other. In some ways this is harder than not doing a media fast, because we cannot simply run off to play games, watch tv or listen to music. There will be conflict, and we have to work through those moments. Overall, it's well worth the effort, we see more of the outdoors together, life seems less hectic, less rushed, and I at least feel much closer to my family.

How was it?
It wasn't bad at all. The first night was expected to be the toughest, but only Jacob seemed to have trouble with it. I think he said he was bored just three minutes into the fast beginning. We told him to read for 30 minutes, which meant he took a nap. It was the last time he said he was bored. Jacob even found a book that he enjoys reading, a strategy guide to the game "Halo: Reach". We ended this one a bit early, Sunday evening instead of going through to Monday morning. The biggest challenge for me was wanting to go onto Facebook to make status updates about the funny stuff my kids were doing, like Jacob answering, "Who, me?" every time we called his name. I'm glad we do this. It helps me stay close to my family before I ever drift apart from them. Drifting into isolation from family is too easy these days with all the distractions life has to throw our way.

What do you do to stay connected with your family?

I was watching this 22-minute T.E.D. video this morning and it hit me that the topic was so closely related to a study I was signed up for recently called "The Fear of the Lord" by John Bevere.




Video Synopsis: (I underlined the passages that caught my attention)

Is there more than one universe? In this visually rich, action-packed talk, Brian Greene shows how the unanswered questions of physics (starting with a big one: What caused the Big Bang?) have led to the theory that our own universe is just one of many in the "multiverse."

Brian Greene is perhaps the best-known proponent of superstring theory, the idea that minuscule strands of energy vibrating in a higher dimensional space-time create every particle and force in the universe. 

Jerry's Thoughts:

John Bevere talks about atomic energy, and the binding force of every miniscule thing in the universe, so we see God in the big things and the smallest. Funny how the world tends to think that science disproves the existence of God. As a science holder of a Bachelor's degree in Chemistry-Biology, I cannot help but see HOW science explains how God did "that".

I always thought that God was big, but that was in relation to the world, Earth, and to myself. I wanted to share with you how this course (even though you haven't seen me there much) has shown me how big God really is, and how I cannot even fathom how big that means. If God is the Creator of all things, and there is the possibility of multiple universes, and God measures our own universe in the span of His hand, AND in all that He loved me so much that He gave His only Son to die for my sins, then who am I to tell God what to do? Why have my prayers often been about do-this-for-me-God? The boom that John Bevere heard in that church in Brazil was NOTHING compared to what God can really do. All the signs in the Bible where God demonstrated His awesome power was nothing compared to what He can really do.

Planting Vision for My Son

It never hurts to have a positive outlook on one's future. My Pastor recently gave a sermon about casting vision for our children so that striving for a life of excellence is the norm for them.

I decided one day to take Jacob on a tour of my college campus this week when I had to run some errands, where I am currently pursuing a Masters Degree in Educational Technology at the age of 36. One building in particular was sure to be on the tour, this building was named after a local eye doctor, Dr. Jack Dugan (and his wife). Our tour of Texas A&M Corpus Christi also included one of the classrooms where I attend a class on Wednesday nights. The room was empty, so we were able to go into the classroom and sit in the auditorium seating, mess with the Elmo, and project shadow puppets onto the projection screens (I do this in class, too). I think he enjoyed seeing a part of my world, and expand his perception of what I do.

Many of the folks from my family grew up expecting to live on SSI, welfare, food stamps, or some other form of government support. The Dugans I knew grew up in poverty, struggled with divorce, experienced difficulty in school, some endured learning disabilities, suffered with alcohol & drug abuse, and a variety of "Irish issues". That was simply the normal culture within my family in California. The great thing about having a building named after a Dugan in Corpus Christi, Texas, is that I get to expose my children to a new normal. We have a great opportunity to shape our future, and even influence the future of our children. What is the normal you want for your children?


Sermon: The Crown - Crown Me Please!
Pastor Bil Cornelius, Bay Area Fellowship